


Atonement

by Allanahloo95



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Ben Solo - Freeform, Ben Solo Needs A Hug, Ben Solo is a Mess, F/M, Jedi Ben Solo, OC, Post-Star Wars: The Last Jedi, Protective Ben Solo, Redeemed Ben Solo, Redemption, Rise of Skywalker, Star Wars - Freeform, Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker Spoilers, Virgin Ben Solo, sequel trilogy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-12
Updated: 2020-03-29
Packaged: 2021-02-19 10:41:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 17
Words: 29,763
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22676416
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Allanahloo95/pseuds/Allanahloo95
Summary: This is a Ben Solo/OC story.  I do want to be clear that I am a die hard Reylo fan but this idea came to me and I need to run with it.What if Ben had been too late? What if he couldn't have brought Rey back, where would he go? Ben finds himself back on Tatooine where it had all began but he isn't alone. Beykha Novan has taken over the Lars Moisture Farm and doesn't take kindly to strangers but something about the mysterious Ben tells her to trust him to help him. Meanwhile Finn is convinced that Kylo Ren has killed his beloved Rey and has made it mission to find Ren and kill him - no matter the cost.I do not own any of the Star Wars characters or settings, all rights go to Disney and Lucasfilms
Relationships: ben solo/oc
Kudos: 6





	1. Prologue

**Ben**

Rey was dead, I could feel it. My only hope was that she hadn't ascended into the Force so that I could help her - bring her back. When I reached the top of the cliff, I saw her body lying limp, she hadn't ascended. Gathering all the strength I had left I made my way over to her, once I was next to her I grabbed her arm and pulled Rey's body towards me until her torso was in my lap with my hand cradling her head. She was gone, there was nothing left inside her - she didn't deserve this ending not after everything she's done and been through. My eyes looked around the room at anyone - _anyone_ who could possibly help me but I knew what I had to do. Pulling Rey close to me, I hugged her body, not knowing how soon I would die before she came back.

When I was ready, I moved my hand to her waist and focused all my energy on her. Every single bit of life force I had left, I moved into Rey's body hoping that it would be enough to bring her back to me. Deep breaths slowly exited my body but something wasn't right, I didn't feel any different but Rey did. My hand was sinking into her clothes. Snapping my eyes open Rey's figure was becoming more and more transparent, she was ascending into the Force, I had been too late.

"No," I whispered, desperate for her to come back, my eyes traveled upwards begging anything - anyone to help me, she couldn't have been gone yet. Soon there was nothing left of her except her clothes and the two lightsabers. " _No!_ " I cried out, hitting my first against the ground. "It should've been me," I cried.

"But it isn't," a different voice responded. My eyes went towards the voice and standing there was a figure who I did not recognize. He had wavy hair that rested on the nape of his neck and sympathetic eyes. "I'm Anakin Skywalker - you're grandfather," he introduced. I shook my head.

"No that's not the voice I heard in my head all those years," I argued.

"That's because Palpatine gave you the voice of Darth Vader not me, Anakin. Once my son saved me, I no longer became Darth Vader but back to Anakin." I didn't really care for the specifics. I glanced back down to Rey's clothes then back up to my grandfather.

"What am I supposed to do now? I - I have nowhere to go," I asked.

"Go to Tatooine, there you will heal and train. The Emperor is dead and the Final Order dies with him but you still need to train. I will be with you every step of the way," Anakin assured me. "For now, you need to leave Exegol and go to Tatooine." _Tatooine._ There wasn't anything there for me except Uncle Luke's old house and moisture farm. Hesitantly, I stood on my feet and used the force to grab both lightsabers, took Rey's arm wrap and ran back to the Tie Fighter and flew as fast I could back to Tatooine.


	2. Chapter 2

**Beykha**

****I've spent my whole life on Tatooine but one thing I'll never get over is the constant heat. I mean it isn't the worst thing about Tatooine but it worked like an itch in the middle of your back, that you've gotten used to but once you think about it, it starts to itch like crazy. I couldn't complain too much, I had it better than most. I had a roof over my head, a moisture farm that I called my own and every night I had the most beautiful view of the binary sunset.

I had been in the east field when I saw the dark man. At first I thought my body was overheating. The only people I ever saw were at the end of the harvest when I sold my water and even then they were hardly humanoids. I slowly made my way towards the figure, he hadn't seen me yet. Grabbing my gaffi stick, I got closer to the man in black, he was kneeling on the dirt with his hand keeping him balanced. He didn't seem like such a threat but there wasn't a single being out here I could trust and after time I learned to always keep my guard up.

I finally got close enough to see him up close, his clothes were tattered, his black hair was a complete mess. He was sad, I didn't know why or how I knew but something inside me _knew_ that this man was grieving but that didn't make him less dangerous. Holding my gaffi stick in a defensive position, I braced myself for a fight.

**Ben**

****I knew my mother and uncle would want their sabers to be buried somewhere important to them and since my mother's home planet didn't exist anymore the only option was Tatooine plus this is where my grandfather had instructed me to go. Along with burying the lightsabers, I had turned myself off towards the force, I didn't want anything to do it. I didn't want to feel anymore pain than I already felt but I had to admit it would've come in handy when a weapon was placed against my neck.

"Get up," a harsh voice commanded, until I knew who my attacker was I had to do what I was told so I raised myself to my feet and turned.

She was the very essence of light. Her skin was surprisingly pale for being on Tatooine but it was her eyes and hair that made me think of light. This girl's eyes were round, wide and were a pale blue color. Her hair was on the shorter side and one side had been shaved completely but it was the color of the brightest star in the galaxy. She was the essence of light. I relaxed under her weapon but made no attempt to move.

"Who are you?" she demanded, her eyebrows creased.

"I'm Ben S.. just Ben," I answered.

"What do you want?" her voice was thick with venom. My eyes glanced around the property and I shrugged.

"This farm used to belong to my uncle," I answered.

"No one has been here for years, until I inhabited it," she sneered. I know she was trying to come off as intimidating but for me, it wasn't working. If I wanted, I knew where to disarm her and get the upper hand but until she gave me a reason to, I would remain here.

"Yes I know my great uncle and aunt died here when my uncle was young, I just needed to know if it still stood," I sighed.

**Beykha**

There was so much sadness surrounding him. Just by looking at his slumped shoulders and the natural frown on his face but what truly gave it away were his eyes. They were big and brown and they looked lost, like there was nothing left of him. I lowered my gaffi stick and watched him relax but he wasn't very relaxed, his torso appeared to be very tense like he was hurt or something. He was probably a fugitive running from someone but I couldn't tell who at this point. 

"Did you get in a fight or something?" I asked, my tone a little softer than before. His face was stoic, he didn't trust me which was fine because I sure as hell didn't trust him. "I only ask because you look hurt and while my mother is dead she taught me to never forget to help where I can and if it's a problem with your ribs, I can help," I explained, my voice even more calm than before.

"Thank you," the man sighed. Putting my hand out for him to shake, I introduced myself.

"My name is Beykha, Beykha Novan." Ben hesitated but eventually he took my hand and for a moment it felt as if I was taking on his sadness. It was all messy and confusing and I was sure that I hadn't _really_ taken his sadness but I knew that it hadn't been my sadness.

Taking my hand back, I motioned Ben to follow me back inside where I lead him to the tech dome, I had most of my personal injuries so overtime I just left the medical stuff in there.

"Now there isn't an immediate fix to the rib because it naturally heals on its own and I don't have the equipment to speed up the process but I have to stuff to make it hurt a little less and too make sure it isn't displaced." He didn't say anything - just another hint that he was sad.

I moved over to my working table and made some space for Ben to sit on and motioned for him to take a seat, which he did silently.

"Okay so I actually need you to take off your... shirt...please," my voice hardly went above a whisper. It was awkward to ask a stranger to strip and I wasn't accustomed to asking. Nevertheless, Ben did this numbly, like the pain almost didn't matter to him, very strange. I had to ignore the fact that he was well built, being in the desert with only an R2 unit for company didn't bode well for me. Ben was so different from the other beings that I came into contact with and it was then that I realized how starved I was for actual human contact - not necessarily in a physical way but in an emotional way. I wanted to tell him everything about me and I wanted him to tell me everything - especially what had made him so lost and so sad but I wouldn't and didn't expect him to say anything.

"Tell me when it hurts," I muttered. Gingerly I placed my fingers along the red spots on his rib cage trying to locate the break. Ben remained silent but thankfully his body flinched once I hit the broken bony then went to work. I had a coolant solution that I had made myself that would reduce the swelling if applied twice a day for a week. Ben's body relaxed underneath my touch. In my peripheral vision, I noticed a small tear fall down his cheek, Ben made no attempt to wipe at it and I made no attempt to talk about it. I didn't know this man, but I knew that for now he wasn't a threat to me and he needed my help and so help is what I would give.

"Look you're going to have to stay here a while until the rib heals all the way but I'm not looking to take in any strays. I have no idea what you've been through and I'm not going to ask you about it because it seems pretty fresh and because you don't know me. So here's my proposition, I could use another hand to help me to check out the vaporators - they're pretty simple to learn. I'll let you stay here and continue to help out with your rib if you help me with the vaporators and once you're healed all the way you can go your merry way." I paused, my eyesight now focused on the broken man in front of me. "Deal?" I asked, holding out my hand again. Ben stared at it for a long time, he tightened his jaw before taking my hand and nodded.

"Deal."


	3. Chapter 3

**Beykha**

****It had been two weeks since his rib break and Ben had healed quite nicely. He was also a good worker, didn’t realize how much I needed help until he started but he was still a mystery to me. He was always up before me and there were times that I caught him sitting towards the sunrise with his legs crossed, just sitting there silently. At night he was always the last one to bed, sometimes I wondered if he ever slept. To be clear it wasn’t always awkward silence we would talk about the farm and the day’s work but never anything personal. I thought for sure he would leave but I needed to make the offer for him to stay.

That morning, I woke up extra early to ask him because I knew that I wouldn’t be productive with the question hanging over my head. Coming out of the homestead entrance I found Ben in his normal place with his legs crossed and his eyes closed. His facial features looked different than normal, usually you could see the pain on his face but every muscle was relaxed and there wasn’t any pain. This had to be some form of meditation because he looked so peaceful.

Not wanting to disrupt him, I sat next to him as quietly as possible and mirrored his body language. Crossing my legs, I straightened my back and closed my eyes then took some deep breaths. Slowly, my thoughts stopped coming in and I focused on my breathing until I no longer felt like I was in my own body. It was dark but there were bright flashes and with every flash I could see more and more of my surroundings. I stood on dark stone and in front of me was a dark throne also made of stone but it wasn’t inviting, there had been so much pain surrounding the throne. Someone’s voice was in the background but it was too far away like a distant echo, I couldn't tell who’s voice it belonged or who it was calling for. I didn’t want to be here anymore, there was too much pain, too much darkness. I needed to force my eyes to open, I needed to get out of whatever nightmare I was having.

I was on the ground as my chest filled with dry desert air, my eyes latched onto the blue sky before moving to Ben’s dark brown eyes. He had hovered over me, he was calling my name but I hadn’t heard him until I saw him.

“Beykha, what happened?” he asked, his voice thick with worry. I sat up and moved away from him while wrapping my arms around each other.

“Um I see you out here in the mornings and this time I thought I’d join you but I think I fell asleep because I had the most horrible nightmare,” I breathed.

“Do you want to talk about it?” he asked. I shook my head.

“There’s nothing to talk about, it wasn’t coherent - it was just darkness with flashes of light and there was a stone throne but there was just so much pain it scared me.” Even just telling Ben about it made my skin crawl. Ben pursed his lips together like he wanted to say something but wouldn’t.

“I need to leave - today,” he announced. Suddenly I snapped back to the reason I came out here to begin with.

“Wait - are - are you sure? I actually came out here to ask if you wanted to stay on? I could really use the help and of course I’d pay you for it.” The words just spilled out of me before I could think of an eloquent or even professional way to say it, now it just sounded like begging and I didn’t want to sound helpless.

“I’m sorry, coming here was a mistake - I never should’ve listened to him.”

“Him? Someone told you to come here?” I asked, confused. Finally Ben stared at me like he hadn’t known I’d been there the entire time.

“Yes - my grandfather,” he responded quickly.

“Why did he tell you to come _here_? I know your uncle used to live here and everything but it’s on the outskirts and before I cleaned everything there wasn’t anything here, just a ton of sand,” I explained. Ben moved his hair out of his face and turned the upper part of his body away from me.

“Because he - he thought I should see where his son grew up,” he lied. Ben didn’t have an obvious tell but he was lying, I just knew but it wasn’t my business.

“Where will you go now?” I asked, defeated. Ben turned back towards me and shrugged.

“I don’t know,” he sighed. It wasn’t the answer I expected so I decided to press further.

“Surely you’d go back to your mother, grandfather, girlfriend,” I let my voice fade out on the last one.

“They’re all dead,” his voice whispered. My heart hurt for him because I knew what he was going through.

“I thought you said your grandfather told you to come here?” I questioned. Ben’s eyes locked onto mine.

“He did - before he died.” I waited for a bit, trying to decide if I should tell him or not but ended up opening my mouth.

“Listen,” I started curtly. “I understand what you’re going through. I’m alone, my parents died when I was young and for a while I had nothing - absolutely nothing and the things that happened to me were awful but I made it. I’m not saying you have to be okay right now but I know that doing nothing will make it worse,” I explained. Ben’s eyes dropped from mine and his shoulders slumped forward.

“I can’t stay here,” he muttered. Biting my lips I nodded, it was useless and he had decided.

“Okay fine, let me at least give you some food before you go.” I walked away before he could say anything.

In my kitchen, I fixed up some perishable food that could last Ben a while. A weight had placed itself on my chest that I couldn’t shake off and it was because Ben was leaving and I would be all alone again. Sure, I had R-8 but it wasn’t the same as human contact but he needed to heal from his loss.

“Cooking something for me?” A gurgled voice whispered from behind me. My brain had been so occupied with Ben that I didn’t have time to react before the scaly hand of Kuzakai grabbed my arm and swung me around and pulled me close to his green body.

“You’d like that, wouldn’t you,” I growled, trying to loosen his grip.

“Rinnrivin would like to know when his order will be ready,” his voice slithered.

“It’ll be ready when it’s ready. You know that the harvest takes time - unless you want to give him less than what he’s asked for,” I snarled. His pitch black eyes bore into mine and it made my skin crawl.

“Oh he’s not going to take it out on me princess, he’ll just take it from you. Rinnrivin told me to tell you that you have until the end of the month cycle or else,” he threatened. The anger inside me grew so much that I took my arm out of Kuzakai’s grip and shoved him towards the back of the kitchen while I stormed out in the middle of the crater.

I raced to grab my gaffi stick but a sharp pain stopped me and forced me to my knees. Glancing behind me I saw a small knife placed behind my shoulder. Kuzakai jumped towards me and grabbed my hair, pulling me backwards towards him, which made my shoulder hurt worse, my scream couldn’t be stopped.

“I don’t like it when humans are naughty,” his tongue slithered inside my ear. Loud gasps were the only things that could exit my mouth.

“Hey!” it was Ben, how embarrassing. Kuzakai let go of my hair letting my head fall forward.

“Stay out of this _boy_ ,” Kuzakai hissed. “This is between me and the girl.”

“Well I work with her so it involves me,” his voice demonstrated command and confidence and even though this had been the absolute worst time to notice, I couldn’t deny how attractive it was.

“There’s no need for more trouble I got my message across and you better have Rinnrivin’s order ready or it’ll cost the _both_ of you.”

I didn’t move from my spot, it had been too humiliating. Ben’s dark shoes stopped right in front of my lowered sight.

“You better leave in case he comes back,” I muttered, still not moving.

“I’m not going anywhere, can you walk?” he asked, the confidence still there. My head snapped up and I straightened out my body.

“Of course I can walk,” I snapped as I slowly made my way to the tech room to fix myself with Ben on my heels.

“Let me help you.”

“I don’t need your help, I’ve left some perishables for you in my kitchen, just take them and go.” Ben stopped following me once I reached the door.

Grabbing the med pack I sat myself on my table and moved my double mirror so I could see what I was doing. Holding the hilt of the knife, I took a deep breath and pulled it out of my shoulder, suppressing a scream behind my teeth. The blood started to pool on my frock so I yanked it off leaving me in my brown pants and matching under shirt, which also had to go. Finally it was just my wrap holding my breasts together.

Opening the med-pack, I grabbed med-pads to absorb the blood and applied pressure to the puncture. The Nikto were the only thing that prevented me from total peace, I wouldn’t mind giving them some of the water if they would just leave me alone while I worked.

“I’m not leaving - I can’t,” Ben stated from the doorway. I made no attempt to cover up, my pride was already ruined, I didn’t care about my exposed body.

“Look, I don’t _need_ you hanging around like some kind of bodyguard, I’ve been handling Nikto’s like Kuzakai for years.” Ben hadn’t been looking at me in eyes but instead they traveled around my exposed torso, looking at my scars.

“It looks like you’ve been doing a good job too,” he answered dryly.

“Those aren’t from the Nikto’s,” My voice lowered. “After my parents died, I was taken by the Sand People and was their slave until I got away,” I added. Ben walked closer until he was inches away from my wound, his tall body loomed over me.

“Let me help you,” he asked again, his voice quiet. “Please,” he added softly. Without looking away I grabbed another pad and handed it to him.

“Listen, I don’t want you staying because you think I can’t take care of myself because honestly, I’ve been fine,” my voice remained soft as Ben placed pressure on my wound.

“I want to stay - I don’t have anywhere to go,” Ben admitted and he was telling the truth. My eyes traveled towards his and the weight on my chest lifted. There was still so much mystery to him and with time I knew he’d trust me enough to tell me but for now we would help each other.

**Listen I just wanna say that I am in no way a Star Wars expert and there's not a lot of information about what happens to Tatooine after the Final Order OR who really takes over the Hutt Gang after Jabba dies so just go along with it lol**

**May the Force Be with You!**


	4. Chapter 4

**Ben**

I know leaving would’ve been the smartest option especially after her ‘nightmare’. I couldn’t explain it but somehow she saw Exegol. She had to be force senstive which is why I think my grandfather sent me here. The girl, Beykha, even though she wouldn’t admit it, needed my help in more ways than one and this was the start towards redemption - at least for me. I knew no one else in the whole galaxy could forgive me and I didn’t expect them too but for Rey, I had to be the man she knew I was.

**Beykha**

Ben and I worked harder every day after Kazukai came but thanks to extra hand we were able to speed up the process of the harvest; of course this didn’t come without injury. Ben had cut his hand and it was bound to happen. Immediately we made our way to the tech room where I had started to bandage it.

“Don’t worry about it, when I first started doing this I used to have cuts all the time.”

“Is that a protocol droid over there?” Ben asked, his eyes glued to the back corner. I didn’t need to look up to know what he was talking about.

“Yes, it’s B-2SW, used to help my parents but around the time they died something happened - a shortage or something and he just never turned on again. I would fix him but droid fixtures are where I lack,” I sighed, finishing up Ben’s hand.

“I could take a look at him,” Ben offered, his eyes still trained on the droid. 

“You don’t have to, I’ve been getting along fine without him,” I shrugged.

“Beykha,” Ben called. Releasing his hand I looked up at him, his big begging eyes staring down at me. “Let me help you.”

“You’re already helping me - plus, B2 doesn’t know about my parents.”

“He’s a droid, he isn’t going to have any emotions if that’s what you’re worried about and he’d be pretty useful when we need him to understand bocce,” he argued. I huffed and crossed my arms then shook my head.

“Fine but don’t let it distract you from the vaporators, harvest is close.” Ben nodded and moved away from the work table to go straight for the B8.

I wanted to know more about Ben and for a while I was too nervous to ask him anything but we’ve been with each other for almost a month and I really didn’t know anything about the man I let into my farm. Once I called in for dinner, I had worked up the courage to ask him questions. Ben didn’t take long to go to the dining area and soon enough we were eating in total silence.

“Ben, I don’t really know anything about you and we’ve been working together for a month,” I pointed out. His shoulders tensed but his expression remained stoic and calm, leaving me to debate whether or not to push. “Listen, I’m not invested in your personal life but you’re a complete mystery to me and I can usually figure people out but you?” I shook my head. 

“Just tell me one thing about you - anything you want and then I’ll tell you one thing about me,” I bartered. Ben broke eye contact with me and leaned back in his chair, his eyes wandering the walls.

“I was born on Chandrila,” he answered slowly.

“I’ve heard it’s a beautiful planet, why leave?” My mouth spoke before my brain could stop it.

“That’s not part of the deal, your turn.” I sighed then folded my arms, trying to think of something to say that didn’t give too much away.

“I hate the heat.” Ben chuckled, he  _ actually  _ chuckled. “What’s so funny?” I asked, a smile growing on my face. 

“Then why stay here? There’s a whole galaxy to be explored,” Ben pointed out. I shrugged and shook my head.

“I know but in case you haven’t noticed, I don’t have a ship and where would I go? I don’t have any extraordinary skills,” I defended. 

“Well you can run a moisture farm,” Ben taunted. I rolled my eyes and smiled.

“Yeah only because I had to, it was that or be a slave to the Niktos. Honestly, I would love to leave Tatooine but there’s no place out there for someone like me.” The conversation had taken a sad turn and I almost apologized before Ben beat me.

“Or me,” his voice had lowered. He was an outcast but why?

The next day we had worked so hard that by the next morning we’d be able to harvest all the water and then sell it. R-8 went around with me to double check all the vaporators before I would go in and fix dinner. Ben of course offered to help but we both decided that his talents were in the fields. When R8 finished with the vaporators, I went to watch the sunsets and clear my mind. Sometimes my head would get so loud with worry that it was difficult to concentrate on the important things. My eyes closed and let the warmth of the suns hit me as the air got colder and the stress of the harvest was nearly over.

“I must find Mistress Janna, she must be so worried!” I knew that voice anywhere, B-2SW. Opening my eyes I went down into the crater to find my once silver protocol droid wondering wound calling for my mother. I hated to admit it but there was great comfort in having B2.

“B2!” I called, jogging up to the droid, who turned around to face me.

“Hello, yes I am B-2SW and who might you - Ah mistress Beykha!” she cheered. 

“It’s good to see you old friend,” I added, wrapping my arms around the droid.

“Still hugging I see, now I must speak with mistress Janna where is she?” B2 asked. Pulling away I took a deep breath.

“B2, mom and dad are dead they have been for a while it’s just me now.” B2 looked downwards and a lump formed in my throat.

“She was easy to fix, you could’ve done it yourself if you’d given B2 the time,” Ben bellowed from the tech room entrance.

“I have a farm to run,” I clapped back snarkily then glanced back at B2. “B2 that’s Ben he’s going to be staying with us for a while - to help out with the farm,” I explained.

“Well is there anything I can do for either of you?” B2 asked but I shook my head.

“Not today B2 why don’t you head back to the tech room and power down for the night, I’ll come get you tomorrow - good to have you back.”

“See? I told you telling B2 would be fine,” Ben announced with a satisfied grin. Turning towards him with a grin of my own I nodded. 

“Yeah you were right but I’d get some sleep we’re going to have one hell of a day tomorrow,” I pointed out with a sigh.

“It’ll be alright,” Ben assured me. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Living in Tatooine on my own I turned into a light sleeper, just in case someone tried to rob me during the night or wanted trouble, I’d be ready. However, I wasn’t ready for the bony chilling scream that not only woke me up but made me think we were under attack. The scream had to have been Ben’s, awful thoughts took place in my brain and before heading to his room, I grabbed my gaffi stick and bolted into his room. I couldn’t see anything attacking him in his room yet he was still screaming. A nightmare. Dropping my gaffi stick, I lurched to the side of his bed and placed my hands on his face calling his name. 

“Ben wake up!” I commanded calmly. I repeated my command until his eyes were open.

“Rey!” His voice sounded so relieved but I shook my head.

“No it’s Beykha,” I assured him quietly. My hands were still on his face, my fingers moved damp hair out of his face before my hands went down to his shoulders. “Ben, are you alright?” I whispered. He shook his head and leaned towards me until his head rested on my shoulder, my hands moved to hug him tightly. His body shook under my arms so I moved in closer so that his head went against the back of my shoulder and our bodies were only centimeters apart. A loud sob left his lips as his body continued to tremble.

“It’s okay, I’m here Ben,” I whispered, holding him as tight as I could.

We stayed like that until the faintest of light could be seen from the sky. All the while I could physically feel his pain, my heart was breaking like his and it broke for him. I knew pain in my own life but even mine couldn’t have matched his torment at this moment. He finally released me and I moved away just enough to look at his face. The damp hair had fallen over his eyes so I moved it again and I just wanted to help him, I didn’t know how or if I could but it’s what I wanted.

“Ben,” I whispered, my hand resting on his cheek. Ben’s eyes ran over my face like he was trying to memorize every single line in case I disappeared. He then closed any distance between us and placed his soft lips onto my own. He was vulnerable, he didn’t mean this, I needed to stop but the physical connection between us felt too good, like I’ve been starved for days and only experiencing relief. This had to stop so I pulled my mouth away from his and stood away from him, my torso and head turned away from him completely.

“I’m sorry,” he panted. I closed my eyes and bit my bottom lip then nodded.

“I know it’s fine, um I’m going to get dressed. Take your time but we need to get to the west vaporator for the Nitko’s water order,” I answered tautly before leaving the room. Ben kissing me was the absolute last thing I needed today.

  
  


**Finn**

I tried to grieve and move on like Poe, Lando, like everyone had told me to but knowing that Kylo Ren got away with killing Rey burned my insides. I never got to tell her how I really felt about her and she’d never know how I loved her since we first met. I wouldn’t rest, wouldn’t be able to move on until Kylo Ren was dead and I knew that he wouldn’t be able to hurt another person ever again. That was my mission.


	5. Chapter 5

**Beykha**

There was so much to do and so little time to do it, I shouldn’t have let him kiss me, I could’ve stopped it but I didn’t. Why? Maybe because it was the first time that I wanted to be kissed, maybe throughout these weeks I’ve actually grown more fond of Ben than I cared to admit? Or maybe it was because I had been starved of physical touch for so long that I was desperate for it. I didn’t have time to pinpoint the reason, I needed to be focused on the Nikto order and not mess anything up or not let my guard down.

R8 was already at the Vaporator, doing his thing, preparing for the harvest by the time I had gotten there. R8 beeped at me, letting me know that I was late.

“Yeah I know, I know, is everything ready?” I asked. R8 confirmed and relaxed, I tried to relax myself by taking a few deep breaths but flashes from earlier this morning plagued my mind no matter how many times I would shake it out, it always found its way back.  _ Focus Beyk... it clearly didn’t mean anything to him - he was having a nightmare, it didn’t mean anything.  _ R8 squealed the worry beeps, snapping me out of my head and adjusted my eyes to see Banthas moving towards us with several Niktos accompanying them.

“I’m surprised your bodyguard isn’t here,” Kazukai sneered. My eyes narrowed, my lips pushed into a defiant pout. 

“I’ve worked with you and your boss long enough, I don’t need a bodyguard,” I snapped. “Just take the water and leave, I’ve got work to do.” Kazukai turned to the rest of his pack and spoke in his native language, commanding everyone to start the transfer process.

A red skinned Nikto sat on top of a bantha and moved it closer to the vaporator while another green skinned Nikto handed me the transfer tube to which I connected it to the vaporator and let R8 communicate to the vaporator so it would transfer the water into their container. 

“Oh and Rinnrivin wanted me to let you know that we’ll only be paying half this season,” Kazukai announced coolly. He was trying to smuggle me, a trick Kazukai had been doing for years in order to put more money into his own pocket.

“Then you only get half the water,” I responded without missing a beat. The surrounding Niktos made some low noises of debate because they knew what was going to happen next.

“If you only give us half the water, Rinnrivin will come back to get even more water and won’t pay you for it.” 

“I wonder what the great Rinnrivin will do when I tell him that I have proof they’re you’re short selling me in order to keep his money?” Kazukai lost his calm composure, and narrowed his black eyes.

“What proof?” he barked, marching closer to me.

“Don’t think I haven’t seen you in Mos Eisley betting a little more than what you have on Pod racing,” I answered in a low voice. Kazukai stared at me for a long time without blinking, my breathing had stopped.

“Or I could just kill you and take all your water. There are plenty of moisture farms out here, you aren’t anything special,” he hissed.

“Everything okay out here?” Ben’s voice came from behind me.

“Yeah, Kazukai here is telling me that we did such a good job that Rinnrivin is going to pay us double.”

“I think that’s a great idea, since we went through all the trouble of making sure it was ready when you needed it,” Ben responded lightly, going along with me. Kazuki snarled and paid us what was originally agreed and went back to his group. Unplugging the hose from the vaporator, I handed it to a red skinned Nikto and watched them leave.

“Better late than never,” I breathed dryly at Ben without turning to look at him, I didn’t have the courage to look at him.

“Sorry, Beykha I want to explain I -” Finally I turned to him in order to shut him down. I waved my hands and shook my head.

“No, there’s no need to explain. You were having a nightmare, I woke you up and you were feeling in a vulnerable place and for some reason, you kissed me but it’s fine. I know you didn’t mean anything by it and my feelings aren’t hurt so let’s just drop it.” I moved my blonde hair out of my face and behind my ear. Ben stood there looking at me like he was trying to figure out what was going on in my head, which thankfully he couldn’t because he would know that I was very confused by all of it.

“I would still like to talk about it - if that’s alright.” There are many ways this could go but for the first time since I’ve known him, Ben wanted to talk so I nodded.

“Let’s go inside and talk about it.”

Ben and I sat down at the table across from one another. My back sat relaxed my chair but my face tense with worry, I wanted to cling onto every word he said so that he felt like I was truly listening to him. Ben’s dark eyes stared at me, unsure of my feelings or thoughts or where to begin but he opened his mouth and started.

“I’ve told you that I don’t have anyone, everyone I care about is dead,” he started and I nodded, thinking back to that conversation and how that included his girlfriend. 

“When I first came here, I had just come from a battle against the First Order, which is why I was injured when we met. I was a pilot and someone that mattered to me was with another group, she got hurt and I tried everything to get her back but nothing worked and eventually I had to give up. I had already lost my mother and father because of this war and losing her was it. My nightmare was just a memory of reliving all of their deaths again and I was left alone in the dark until you brought me out of it. That kiss was a moment of weakness, of gratitude but I wasn’t thinking about your feelings so for that I am sorry,” Ben explained. 

I could feel the sadness radiating off of him but there wasn’t any physical sign of sadness, it was just something that I could feel.

“I understand Ben, it’s okay. For months after my parents died, I would have nightmares of them dying over and over again and every night I would wake up screaming for them but no one was there for me and damn do I wish someone was there for me.”

Ben’s face relaxed and he looked relieved that I understood. I rose to my feet and glanced outside to see that more people were coming to buy water. Before leaving, I placed a hand on Ben’s shoulder.

“If you have nightmares again, I’m here for you - just no more kissing,” I jabbed trying to lighten the mood, Ben flashed a grin before leaving his seat to follow me up.

**Finn**

My legs marched to the spaceport where the Millennium Falcon resided with Chewie working on it by himself. I knew Poe couldn’t leave right now and find Ren but Chewbacca could and he’d be willing to help me. Stopping close enough so that he could hear and see me I called out his name until he saw me and paid attention.

“I need your help. I want to find Ren and bring him to justice for Rey, Leia and Han but no one knows him like you do,” I proposed. Chewie looked away from me and glanced up towards the ceiling, like it he wasn’t sure. “Please Chewie,” I begged. Chewbacca roared with agreement and a smile played on my lips. “You knew Ren, where would he go to hide?” I asked. Chewie thought about it for a moment before responding. “Corellia?”


	6. Chapter 6

**Beykha**

Harvest time was nearly over and things between Ben and I were pretty much normal. I say pretty much because at night when I’m by myself all I can think about is him and that damn kiss. We already covered that it doesn’t mean anything and that he was in a vulnerable position but it changed something inside  _ me _ . I pushed away any thought that Ben could have feelings for me because it was still grieving and I knew from experience that it would take him an extremely long time to heal from it because that’s the amount of time it took me to be okay with my own parents death. Still, my eyes would sometimes wander over to Ben and look at his body. He was obviously in shape because I’ve seen it but there was something about his face, the lines on face showed that he had to grow up quickly and that he’s seen things that no one should have to see. The memories of his past had to have plagued him but I didn’t know too much about it and I wasn’t going to be the one to push. In time he’d learn to trust me more and more and then who knows?

The winds had started to pick up, a sandstorm was on its way, which meant the next few days would be possible repairs to any vaporators that would sustain damage. It would be Ben’s first sandstorm since showing up so taking R8 we ventured to find him. Seeing him in the distance, I noticed that he was absolutely drenched with sweat and it made my heart involuntarily skip a beat. 

“One of the gears was stuck so I had to oil it up before it would loosen on its own,” Ben explained, moving his hair out of the way. It had definitely gotten longer and more out of control since he’s been here.

“Great thanks,” my voice was distracted. “Um there’s a sandstorm coming we need to take shelter. I’m gonna head to my room until it passes but you can go wherever as long as its covered - also, completely random um if you ever want a haircut I have no experience but I can try - just so it’s a little more manageable.” I felt awkward and uncomfortable so I didn’t wait for a response. Turning on my heel I walked away. 

“I would like that, thank you,” Ben called out to me. My chest got warm but I shushed it away and put a wall of carbonite around my heart until everything felt normal again. Before heading to my room I went to make sure that B2 was out of harm's way and found her in the kitchen stirring over a pot. 

“Oh hello mistress,” she greeted, turning towards me.

“B2 there’s a sandstorm coming, so you’ll have to stay in here until I tell you it’s clear, alright?”

“But of course, is there anything you need before you go?” she asked. 

“No, I’m alright thanks B2.” Turning around satisfied with B2’s safety I made my way to my room but not before I made sure everything in the crater was secure. By the time I had actually made it to my door the wind had picked up and things were going to get bad real quick. When I opened the door, my heart jumped out of my throat when I saw Ben looking around, a small surprised gasp exited my mouth making Ben turn around.

“Sorry, I thought you were in here already,” he shrugged. 

“No, I wanted to make sure B2 and everything in the crater was secure before coming in,” I answered evenly. 

“I should’ve done that,” Ben muttered, more to himself.

“It’s fine, I would’ve checked it anyways but um let me grab you a chair.” Going behind him, I grabbed a stool and placed it in the middle of the room then muddled around for my scissors. Ben sat down and took off his black shirt, tossing it to the ground making my chest warm again.

“Um you don’t have to do that, I can find something to put around your shoulders.”

“No it’s okay, I was getting hot in that shirt anyways.” Going around behind, I took a deep mindful breath reminding me to focus on the task at hand. Finally I took a brush and started.

**Ben**

My mother had cut my hair as a child but after I went to train with Luke and was seduced by Palpatine I refused to let anyone touch it but Beykha was different. She reminded me of my mother and a little bit of Rey. Her gentle fingers combed through my tangled black hair and the sound of soft snips filled her room. There had to be a reason for my being here, yes I was helping Beykha but she could get by without me but what other reason is there? I had closed myself off from the force, I didn’t want to face my mother, uncle or Rey. I wasn’t ready but I needed to speak with my grandfather to ask him why I was here and what I needed to do.

“I have some of my father’s old clothes, they might be a little loose on you but I figured its better than being in your filthy black shirt - I can have B2 wash it,” Beykha’s soft voice interrupted the silence. 

“Okay.” She continued her way around my head, shortening the length to go just above the nape of my neck. I had no preference, she could’ve shaved it all off for all I care. I needed to open the connection of the force. Closing my eyes, I broke down the barriers of my mind and my heart while taking in deep breaths. The force hit me with the intensity of the sandstorm outside. It wasn’t just me that had the force, not all of this could’ve been me but it to have been her.  _ How? Luke went to every single planet to gather people with force senses. Beykha wasn’t much younger than me Luke had to have sensed her but why not choose her? _

“There, all done,” Beykha announced softly. I opened my mouth to tell her all about the Force but my tongue stopped me. I would’ve sounded crazy to her, if I was going to tell her, I needed to do it slowly.

“Thank you,” came out of my mouth instead. She circled around to face me to look at her work and she shrugged with a proud pout on her lips.

“Not terrible if I do say so myself - but there’s a mirror right behind you if you want to look for yourself,” she pointed to the opposite wall. Standing I walked over and saw a different version of myself. A version where I was just Ben, no historic mother or father, not a murderer or a failed jedi but someone who was a broken but blank canvas. In the background stood Beykha, staring at me through the reflection. Standing together we appeared to be polar opposites, me with all my darkness shrouded around me and her. Beykha had one side of her head shaved but still a lot of hair on the other side and back of her head and it was light. She was light, it radiated off of her, she was strong in the force but it was a power that hasn’t been tapped very well.

“Beykha, do you ever feel things?” I asked her through the reflection. Her eyes narrowed for a moment. 

“Of course I do, everyone  _ feels _ things,” she answered. Turning around, I smiled and shook my head. 

“No, I mean do you ever feel what other people feel just by looking at them or listening to them?” he asked. A sheer wave of panic washed over her face before settling back into its stoic expression.

“Not very often but if I’m being honest, I’ve felt your pain and your sadness but I just assume it’s because I can relate to you but isn’t that normal for everyone?” she asked. Of course she could sense me, it isn’t like I was trying to hide it.

“No it isn’t normal for everyone, have you ever seen things before they happened or seen someone else’s past?” I asked again, my voice eager for her to respond. Her eyes moved to the floor as she thought about it.

“I’m not sure, I’ve never paid enough attention to notice if something came true or was something of the past. I mean I told you I used to dream about reliving my parents death but I don’t think that’s the same thing you’re asking. Why  _ are _ you asking? These are kind of weird questions,” she pointed out. I pursed my lips slightly and nodded agreeing with her, I had to pace myself.

“I was just curious, sometimes it happens to me,” my voice trailed off. Beykha stared at me for a moment longer with compassion in her eyes before she turned towards a closet.

“I’ve kept one of my father’s shirts in here, for my nightmares. You can wear it until B2 finishes with your shirt.” Beykha handed me a cream colored shirt with long flowy sleeves and V-neck cut. Putting it on, the the cut went lower than expected and the shirt was a little too big for me. Smiling she turned again to her closet and brought out a belt wrap, which I fastened around my stomach, tightening the shirt. 

“There,” she muttered, gawking at the shirt. There wasn’t any noise, the sandstorm had to have finished.


	7. Chapter 7

**Beykha**

All was quiet once the storm had passed through now it was time to make sure that all the vaporators were still in good condition and fix any damages that may have happened. After explaining what kind of damages to look for to Ben I left my room and went to the kitchen to alert B2 that it was safe to go outside then traveled to the furthest vaporator to begin the inspection. 

Everything looked fine for the first few, I had R8 lag behind me to communicate with the vaporators to make sure nothing was damaged on the inside. In the distance my eyes stopped on Ben examining other vaporators.  _ Why would he ask me such weird questions? Was this his way of opening up?  _ There was something that he wasn’t telling me but I had no idea what I was supposed to know. 

It had to happen eventually, but I located a damaged antenna on one of the vaporators. Thankfully, I carried spares with me in case I couldn’t just unbend it. I sent R8 to get me a ladder and waited but of course caught myself looking over at Ben. There was something about his sadness that made him beautiful, not that tragedy or grief is ever a good thing but it’s the way his eyes would grow soft that was beautiful, the way his jaw would clench.  _ Knock it off! _ I screamed at myself. I must’ve been staring too long because Ben glanced my way, embarrassed and giving him a small smile, I turned the way R8 had rolled off to just to find him coming back with the ladder that I had requested. 

“Thank you R8.” R8 responded with happy beeps as I took the ladder off from on top of his head and placed it against the vaporator. It didn’t stay in place very well and it didn’t go as high as I needed it to but there was no other choice.  _ Ask Ben... _ No. Just because Ben was bigger than me did not mean I would turn into this helpless princess who couldn’t do a single thing by herself. No, I can do this myself. R8 called out with cautious beeps but I waved him off and started to climb upwards towards the bent antenna, which of course was at the top of the vaporator. 

By the time I had reached the top of the ladder, I realized that I would need to focus and stretch my torso in order to unbend or replace the antenna. My fingers wrapped around the bent part and struggled to straighten it, at this point it would be easier to just replace the antenna. My other hand carefully took a new antenna out of my pocket while the hand holding the broken antenna yanked it free. Tossing the broken antenna to the ground I held onto the vaporator for support while the hand with the new antenna stretched up higher to get above the valve where the antenna would go. 

Sweat started to bead at my hairline, I was just a hair too short, I needed Ben’s help but my pride forced me to push on alone. I just needed to do a small jump and hook the antenna in then I would be in the clear. My thoughts wandered over to the shakiness of the ladder, I hadn’t been entirely sure of the stability of the ladder and what if I were to fall? My eyes scanned the height from where I was to the bottom. If I fell at best the wind would be knocked out of me, at worst, I could have a head injury which could lead to my death. I could do it. 

Bracing myself for the outcome I took in two deep breaths and jumped, hooked in the antenna with success but my feet didn’t land back on the ladder. It had been too quick for me to grab onto anything, I called out for Ben but I knew that he was too far away to do anything so I waited for the ground to come into contact with my back and prayed to any diety to save me. 

My back never hit the ground, I had stopped moving completely. I opened my eyes to see what was going on and my body was hovering over the ground like I was floating but that was impossible. Desperately I searched for anything that could’ve been doing this and my eyes rested on Ben, who was running towards me with his hand stretched out. It didn’t make sense but somehow Ben was keeping me from hitting the ground. 

When he got close enough to me he dropped his hand and I fell into his arms. His face was covered in fresh sweat and panic. His arms cradled me close to his body but he was trembling, like he was afraid to let me go. I crinkled my eyebrows into a long line and blinked. 

“Are you okay?” I asked quietly. Ben shook his head as a couple of tears broke free from the corner of his eye. Confusion took over my mind as I swiped away at his stray tears. “I don’t understand, how did you do that?” I asked, my voice still soft.

“How could you be so stupid?” his voice shook. I moved my head away from him, shocked with his response.

“I thought I could do it,” I defended.

“You could’ve just asked me to help you,” he responded with a clenched jaw. I rolled my eyes and shook my head.

“I would’ve been fine, the worst thing would’ve been a minor-”

“You could’ve  _ died _ ,” Ben hissed, his arms were getting tighter around me. He was afraid, his body radiated fear, his mind was clouded with it, he was having a panic attack. Knowing this, I relaxed in his arms and used my own to wrap around his neck and pulled him closer to me.

“Ben it’s okay, I’m okay,” I assured him quietly. Ben released my legs but still clung to my body. There was that warmth again, spreading through my chest and stomach but there was a slight difference this time, instead of us just holding each other it felt like something was tying us together. Soon Ben’s trembling turned into steady even breathing again, the panic subsided from his mind and only peace was left.  _ Why do I know what’s happening in his mind, was it all a guess? _

Pulling back from him I placed my hands on the sides of his face, my eyes wandering all around his face, trying to figure out why I could physically feel his emotions.

“Ben, how did you do that?” I asked again, my voice even and calm. Ben broke eye contact with me and looked past me, his expression less emotional and more stoic, he nodded before making eye contact with me again.

“Have you ever heard of the Jedi?” Ben asked quietly.

**Finn**

We spent days on Coreilia and didn’t find a single thing about Han Solo except that he had a past there. Ren wasn’t there, I couldn’t feel him but he had to be somewhere. After a failed day of hunting, I marched back to the Falcon where Chewie was playing Dejarik with 3PO and R2.

“Nothing, and no one knows anything about Solo’s parents so we’ll have to go towards his mother’s side. What planet did Leia come from?” I asked Chewie, who roared a response back to me.

“General Organa hailed from the planet Alderaan which was destroyed by the original Death Star,” 3PO answered. 

“Well that’s just great,” I sighed with frustration, another dead end. R2 looked away from the game and beeped loudly at 3PO. 

“I don’t see what any relevance that is but I’ll tell him,” he paused before turning his attention back to me. 

“R2 says that another place on his mother’s side is the planet Naboo where his grandmother lived and is buried, it would be a good hiding place since it isn’t well known that Senator Amidala was General Leia’s biological mother.”

“Alright let’s get going Chewie.”


	8. Chapter 8

**AN: I am going to be posting a trigger warning as this chapter discusses suicide and rape. PLEASE reach out for help to someone you trust or the suicide hotline if you feel suicidal. It's something I've struggled with for a majority of my life and if I can make it this far so can you. ASK FOR HELP. Now... enjoy the chapter!!**

**Beykha**

****Everything Ben had told me made sense. It explained so much, like why I was good at detecting emotions or thoughts. Why I just _knew_ things before they happened. I was a jedi - or at least connected to the force. Ben told me about the Jedi master Luke Skywalker and how he trained Ben from a young age.

“There’s one thing I don’t understand,” I muttered. Ben huffed a laugh and leaned back in his seat. We moved our conversation to the cantine room.

“Only one?” he flashed a small grin. Rolling my eyes at him I continued.

“If Skywalker went to all the known planets in the galaxy then why wasn’t I chosen? I’m not much younger than you, maybe he didn’t even know about Tatooine - it isn’t a well known planet,” I pointed out. Ben shook his head, avoiding eye contact with me for a moment before looking back up.

“I promise you he didn’t forget Tattoine but you’re strong with the force but not unremarkably so maybe he couldn’t sense you at the time,” Ben pointed out. We were silent for a while, digesting the information that was shared but for me it all came to one question.

“What does all this mean?” I started. “Why bother telling me about the force, I mean I understand you telling me about you being a Jedi but why’d you tell me that I was connected?” Ben pursed his lips together before responding.

“I believe you and I were destined to meet so that I could teach you the ways of the force, so I wouldn’t be the last Jedi,” he concluded. I took in a few deep breaths, trying to wrap my mind around this different side of me.

“Is that why you came in the first place?” I asked.

“No - not originally. I was told by my grandfather that I needed to be here but assumed it was for an entirely different reason,” he answered. It didn’t change anything except curb my curiosity but on the other hand all the information was really kind of overwhelming so I stood from the table and gazed out to the base of the crater.

“Um this is a lot, I think I’m going to turn in but should we meet and train where you usually meditate at dawn tomorrow?” Ben nodded so I walked off and into my room.

Laying in my bed, my head swirled with memories of times that I could’ve been using the force until a single question that would rock me to the core entered my mind. _Could I have saved my parents_? I knew of the legends of the Jedi so I knew that they had weapons and even worse I knew the answer to my own question. _Yes._ I wanted anger to build up inside me but couldn’t find any - just sadness for what could’ve been.

Sleep never came and I didn’t expect it to. As soon as the sky got a little bit lighter, I got dressed in my normal brown pants and long green frock then went out to the top of the crater where Ben was standing. He stood facing westward, and I walked up next to him, looking out in the desert. Ben turned towards me slightly, handed me a long makeshift sword without saying a word. As soon as I held it in my hands Ben revealed his own sword and went to strike me with it but I held mine with defense.

“We’re going to hone in your reflexes,” he alerted. I pushed him back using my own weight and the sword and went to strike him but he moved just enough out of the way so that I missed him but tripped on his foot and fell to the ground with my sword leaving my grip. Turning around Ben raised his arms up to strike at me. In a quick moment I held my hand out and in my mind's eye I saw myself reaching out and grabbing the sword. Suddenly the sword flew into my hand so that I was able to stop Ben’s attack. My eyes grew wide at what had just happened that I became distracted and Ben disarmed me again and placed the tip of his sword at the base of my neck.

“Good, tell me what did you feel when you before getting the sword back in your hands?” he asked, helping me to my feet.

“Desperate,” I answered. Ben’s eyes didn’t break away from mine but something had clouded over them - like a memory. “Fear,” I concluded.

“Fear is your enemy however, to experience fear is natural as long as you do not allow it to rule your life or your decisions,” he explained. Ben moved to the ground to a sitting position and crossed his legs, I sat in front of him and mirrored his body.

“Close your eyes and reach out with your mind...”

**Ben**

****It had been just a couple months since I told Beykha everything - _almost_ everything. She wasn’t nearly as powerful as Rey but I don’t think anyone could be because of her Palpatine blood but Beykha learned quickly. We even started to use the force with the vaporators though there wasn’t much we could use it for but any bent antenna were now fixed from the ground. We were getting closer, telling each other things about our past but I sensed that there was something that she was keeping from me, not that I hand any room to judge but I so badly wanted her to trust me with it like I wanted to trust her with my secret but the risk of her bad opinion kept from telling her.

**Beykha**

****Ben was hiding something from me, I sensed it but so was I and on the other hand there had been a longing to tell him because the weight of it was too heavy for me to bear by myself but I didn’t know how he would react and the fear of him leaving - abandoning me was too much so I kept it to myself. There was something else I wanted to tell Ben and he needed to know because I wanted him to know that he could trust me.

After our day of work and training we went into the cantine room where B2 had finished dinner, I decided to tell him.

“Ben I need to tell you something,” I started, not looking at him.

“Okay,” his voice was calm and attentive. I took in a couple of deep breaths calming any anxiety that occupied my mind.

“ I want to tell you why I let the Nikto take water every harvest,” I paused once more to gather my thoughts before finally letting it all out. “My parents lived close to Mos Epa - just on the outside of the ports um and one night when I was 16 years old I woke up to my mother screaming. I left my bed and went outside to find that a fragment of the old Hutt cartel had murdered my father - apparently he had owed them money and he couldn’t pay them back so they planned on taking my father back to their leader, Garo Jaa, but he resisted so they killed him instead. When I got outside they told my mother that they’d leave her alone if I came with them and worked off my father’s debts. I agreed because I didn’t want anything to happen to my mother but they killed her anyway so I didn’t have a reason to run away,” I paused to let out a shaky breath and wipe away at any stray tears.

“I thought you said you were taken by the Sand people,” Ben spoke quietly. I shook my head and pushed a strand of hair behind my ear.

“It was an easier explanation at the time. I was a slave but not in the way most people view slaves and _not_ the way the Sand people use slaves. I wasn’t handing out drinks or waiting on people. I was used as an object to make even more money for the fragment’s leader Garo Jaa. They would force me into revealing outfits and have other people bet on me for periods of time and to do whatever they wanted me to for.” I stopped again, my eyes completely avoiding Ben’s.

All the shame I felt had started to bubble back up and I was at a point where logically I knew that nothing that happened to me was my fault but reliving it like I was a ghost that had taken possession of my body and soul.

“If I ever ran or didn’t... do the things that they wanted me to then I was punished - that’s where all the scars are from, my disobedience or running, they would whip me then use powder to cover it up. There were times when I was being punished or raped that I prayed to any deity to just kill me and there was a time where I almost killed myself but I was caught then punished again. This went on until I turned 21 and I found R8, he set me free and together we ran away. I almost died because we didn’t pack any kind of provision and the lack of water and sand storms but I found this.” Once again I paused but this time it was to take in a couple of deep breaths and centered myself. “As soon as R8 and I figured out how to run the farm we opened for business and I cut my hair. I shaved one side so that no man or woman could ever grab me there again. It wasn’t long before Kazukai and the rest of Nikto found me and one of them knew that I was a slave and told Rinnrivin who told me that as long as I supplied water at a discounted price that he would keep me a secret and I’ve been doing that ever since.”

I had finished. My history was done and the shame from my past was still present but it didn’t feel as bad as it used to. I kept my eyes trained on my balled fists, too afraid to see Ben. I closed myself off to Ben, I didn’t want to sense anything he could’ve been feeling or thinking.

**Ben**

****Pure anger coursed through my body. No one should’ve been treated like that and it took my mind a few moments to calm myself. I wanted to stand and scour the planet until I found Garo Jaa and killed him myself but that was the voice of Kylo Ren not me. Beykha didn’t need me to kill for her, she wanted to show that she trusted me by telling me the most vulnerable story about her life. My eyes continued to rest on Beykha and it was then that I realized that she had closed her mind to me. I placed my hand on top of hers so that she would look at me but she didn’t, she remained still.

“Beykha,” I started, my voice calm and quiet. “You don’t need to close your mind to me, I’m not going to judge you.” She shook her head and looked up at me, her eyes still pink from crying.

“I’m not afraid of judgement,” she answered shortly with resolve. “I’m - I’m afraid of being left alone. I’ve gotten used to you and I didn’t realize that I needed human companionship until you came here and - and I know I’m not the cleanest or even the easiest person to live with because I’m-”

“Hey, hey, hey I’m not going anywhere,” I assured. “I lost my entire family, there’s no one else in the entire galaxy for me. I’m alone - just like you,” I responded, holding her hands tighter.

She continued to hold my gaze and for a moment nothing was said but there was a warm feeling spreading through me, it made me want to be closer to Beykha - it reminded me of that night with Rey when we touched through our force connection for the first time. In an instant the warmth was gone and guilt took its place. Slowly, I withdrew my hands and broke eye contact, Beykha reminded me so much of Rey and it wasn’t fair to her to act like I was over her when I wasn’t.

**Beykha**

****Ben leaned away from me and our moment had passed again. The suns were just about gone and the chilliness of the air had started to set in.

“I’m going to shut the power down for the night,” I announced standing from my seat. Ben nodded without saying anything. _Maybe I shouldn’t have said anything..._ I started to walk away and make sure everything was ready for tomorrow.

“Beykha,” Ben called, standing at the edge of the cantine room, arms crossed. “I’m glad you told me, it’s nice to know that you trust me.”

“Maybe one day you’ll trust me,” I responded softly with a shrug.


	9. Chapter 9

**Ben**

****Beykha was progressing beautifully, we hadn’t yet upgraded to lightsabers but it wouldn’t be long until we did. She was becoming more confident in using the Force and connecting with the Force - being one with it. While I could sense her overall emotions there were still thoughts and emotions I couldn’t reach, she was well guarded but so was I. Each day it became harder and harder not to tell her about my past - about Kylo Ren. I wanted to give her more than what I was giving her and I knew she wanted more from me but the thought of Rey and our connection, being a dyad in the Force made it difficult for me to let go.

Beykha had beat me to our training spot, she sat facing the rising run, her knees crossed and eyes closed. Her thoughts were open, she didn’t know that I was standing there yet or else they would’ve been guarded. The temptation to reach out and feel was strong and I had meant to turn away until I felt a familiar presence in her thoughts. Darkness. Beykha had allowed her thoughts to move towards the Dark side of the Force even after I told her about the dangers of being seduced.

Anger rose up but so did fear, I couldn’t lose her to the dark side. In two strides I gripped her shoulder to pull her out of it but she responded by using her weight to pull me over her head and then stop me from moving by placing her foot on my chest.

“Nice defense but we aren’t sparing,” I spat, shoving her foot away from my chest. Standing on my feet, I wiped the dust off my shirt. “What did I tell you about the dark side?” my voice growled.

“I was just looking,” Beykha defended with a pout.

“That’s how it _starts_ but then you start justifying it and next thing you know you’re a slave to it,” my voice grew louder with every syllable. “I _will not_ let that happen to you.” By the time I had finished I was out of breath and every muscle felt tense but Beykha didn’t seem phased by it, her face remained relaxed and stoic.

“Ben, I’m stronger than you think. I’m not going to the dark side, I was just curious,” her voice soothed the fear but didn’t diminish it. She reached out with her hand for me and flashes of Rey danced across my mind.

“I need to take a walk, we’re not going to train today. I’ll see you on the North ridge,” my voice went back to being soft. Beykha took her hand back, obviously hurt that I didn’t take it, I walked past her and placed a hand on her shoulder before walking away.

I didn’t know how long I’d been walking but it had gotten hotter and there were now hills and valleys of rock. I wanted to leave Tatooine, I hated all the dirt and sand, I hated that it reminded me of my uncle Luke and my mother. I hated that I had feelings for Beykha but couldn’t show it because I didn’t know how. I hated that I couldn’t move on from Rey. All the anger that I had built up inside me needed to be released so I stood at the edge of a tiny cliff that maybe had a 10 ft drop and yelled as hard and loud as I could until there wasn’t a breath left in me. When I had finished my head was spinning, my eyes were heavy and my body was falling towards the ground.

 _“Ben...”_ it was a far away whisper but I knew the voice so well that my eyes snapped open. There wasn’t anything but blue sky above me, ignoring the voice I went into a sitting position. The scream took more out of me than I thought. Beykha would’ve been worried by now if I didn’t get back soon. _“Ben...”_ it was her voice again but it sounded closer. My eyes wandered around looking for her but couldn’t find her. Releasing a huge sigh and giving up on the voice I turned to go back only to see her in the distance. Rey. My feet carried me faster than my mind was able to process the thought that she was standing in front of me. I stopped inches away from her breathing hard. Rey wasn’t here in spirit like my grandfather. She looked the exact same as the last time I saw her, white outfits and both wraps around her arms. This was a memory - like my father.

“You’re not really here,” I pointed out, still panting. Rey smiled, her eyes lit up.

“You won’t see me as a spirit, you’ve closed yourself off to me this is the only way I can communicate with you,” she answered.

“I’m not worthy to see you again, not after I failed,” a soft sob left my mouth. My head dropped past my shoulders. Rey’s hand touched the side of my face bringing it up towards her.

“You didn’t fail Ben, nothing you could’ve done would’ve saved me. My task - my purpose had been filled. It’s you who needs to fulfill your purpose,” she explained with a smile.

“I-I- I don’t even know what that is,” My shoulders shrugged and I shook my head.

“Yes you do, it’s the girl, Beykha.”

“Am I supposed to train her because I’ve done that, what else is there?” Rey laughed once and shook her head before placing both hands on my face. Her eyes narrowed a moment as if she were trying to get inside my head.

“You’ll only know your purpose with her once you let me go,” her voice went quiet and my heart sank to the pit of my stomach.

“I can’t,” I responded curtly.

“Yes you can. You’re still holding on - let go,” she whispered. A grin pulled on the side of my face as the memory of a similar conversation flashed in my eyes. “You love her so you need to let go of _me_ , let me rest Ben, let go...” I had glanced away from her and when I looked back Rey was gone.

My eyes slowly opened and I found the same blue sky blanketing my vision. This time when I had sat up my back ached from the fall. I hadn’t fallen off the cliff but it had landed on a rock poking up from the ground. A sense of Deja vu swirled around me but when I gazed over in the direction where Rey had been there was nothing but more sand. Rey had found a way to communicate with me after all. Her words rang throughout my mind as I started on my way back home. I couldn’t let go of her completely, I never would be able to do that but it was time for me to move on.

More than halfway back was when I sensed that something was wrong. Beykha was in trouble. My legs pushed themselves harder than I thought possible as I made my way back to her.

**Beykha**

****I hadn’t meant to upset Ben but I just wanted to know what the dark side felt like - underneath all the promises and flashy lights. It was lonely and cold but so powerful. Power hadn’t interested me anymore. If I’d been trained while I was slave then maybe I would’ve been more easily seduced but thankfully that hadn’t been the case.

When I got to the North ridge, I waited an hour for Ben to get back but he hadn’t shown up so I started checking the Vaporator without him. I’d been doing this alone for years so I didn’t need to wait. Everything was looking good and I had just about finished with the Vaporator when I sensed that someone was coming and it had been someone I never thought would find me.

“R8 go back to the dome and tell B2 to hide - both of you hide,” I ordered, my voice still having some sort of calmness to it. If it was who I thought it to be, I had to remind myself that I was stronger and had more skills than the last time they saw me but fear still rippled through my body at the memories.

I made my way towards the dome, didn’t need anyone ripping my home apart. The closer to the dome that I got the better I could make out who was coming and my fears had been realized. Garo Jaa and his passe of members were riding up in speeders and his barge. Flashbacks of the inside of that barge invaded my mind. _Ben...I need you..._ I called out to him. I had no idea if he could hear me or even feel me but I had to try. I didn’t have a blaster or any kind of weapon because of my contract with Rinnrivin but I did have my staff that Ben and I used for saber training which was better than nothing.

The barge stopped a few hundred yards away from the dome and a small group came out - including Garo Jaa. He was humanoid like me with dark brown hair cut short and hypnotic deep blue eyes, square shoulders and about Ben’s height. My whole body was trembling but I fought against it. I wouldn’t let him take me back, I would die first.

“Beykha, Beykha, Beykha, now you are a difficult woman to find,” he drawled with a smug smile.

“For good reason,” I responded curtly. My fingers curled tighter around my staff, my eyes not leaving a single member in his group but my eyes stopped on a familiar face... _Kazukai_. He had to have told them where I was. Garo saw that I was staring and laughed.

“Ah yes, my new associate I believe you two know each other, he was very helpful in telling me about you - even tells me that you’ve got a new bodyguard,” he responded mockingly. “Bring him out, I want to meet this fellow.” I remained standing still but scanned the rest of the area. After my silence had hung in the air a while Garo sighed and relaxed in his posture.

“Listen, I still own you and I lost a lot of customers because you took off, which made me very upset,” he waited for a reaction but got none. “Look Beykha , we can do this the easy way or the hard way - it’s your choice but either way you’re coming with me.” I shook my head and dug my feet into the ground.

“No I’m not, I’ve long paid off my father’s debts to you. I don’t belong to you or anyone,” I spat. Garo took a step closer and I held up my staff in a defense position just as blasters went up around me but Garo waved them down.

“There’s no need for blasters, Beykha knows what’s good for her so she’ll come willing,” he announced. I shook my head again. “Ah I just noticed that you cut your hair, that’s okay it’ll grow back but let’s just get back on the barge and we’ll be on our merry way,” his voice went softer the closer he got.

“I’m not going anywhere with you, bantha fodder,” I snapped then hurled some spit that hit his face. He cried out with aggravation then in one swift move he grabbed the staff out of my hand, clasped onto my wrist and whirled me around until I was up behind him.

“I am not a patient man, Beykha and I did give you the chance to come nicely but you just lost that chance and now you’ll come with me the hard way and don’t think there won’t be repercussions,” he growled in my ear.

Fear had rendered me powerless but not helpless, I looked around at anything I could use as a weapon but there wasn’t anything but sand - sand! Taking a deep breath, I calmed my mind so that I could focus and focused on the sand rising from the ground and had it go exactly into Garo’s eyes. His grip loosened so I was able to rip my arm out of his reach and grabbed my staff once again but this time I struck him in the stomach, forcing him to fall to the ground. The blasters went back up and I froze. I had never fought against so many people at once, I didn’t know if I had the strength or ability to do it but I’d rather be killed than go back with him so I crouched into a fighting stance and prepared. No one fired their blaster but I felt Garo’s hand grab a chunk of my hair from behind and he pulled me backwards and forced me to look at his reddening eyes.

“Still have the fight in you, I gotta say I’d be disappointed if you didn’t but you didn’t tell me about your new tricks,” his hot breath spread like a snake around my neck.

“You’re not taking me,” I snapped, my body struggling against him but despite my training he was still stronger than me and was able to hold me down. I had one last trick to try and I didn’t know if it would work but I had to try. I leaned forward as if I were trying to get away but then used my body and the force to push myself up and over but Garo’s grip on my hair only brought me down to the ground.

“That’s more like it, I like you on your back anyways,” he growled then started to drag me towards the barge. I screamed for Ben, I couldn’t win this fight alone, I needed him. I did everything I could to slow down Garo Jaa but nothing was working and we were more than halfway to the barge. I knew that if I got on that ship, I wouldn’t leave it alive.

“Stop!” The call was distant but loud and Garo didn’t listen. My eyes desperately darted towards Ben’s figure. Relief swept through me, I knew he wouldn’t let them take me. “I. Said. Stop.” His voice could’ve chilled the most feared adversary. Garo Jaa stopped in his tracks and turned to the side to face Ben who was breathing hard.

“Ah you must be the bodyguard,” Garo assumed. “Didn’t really do a good job, now did you?” he mocked.

“You’re going to let Beykha go free and forget you ever saw her here,” Ben’s voice was calm and he raised his fingers but Garo’s grip only got tighter.

“No, don’t think so, nice try Jedi,” he sneered. “I’m sorry she never got to pay you for your services... unless she did. Beykha is real good with her body especially with her-” Garo stopped talking, he grunted like he couldn’t breathe and soon his hand slipped from my hair and I crawled back to Ben only to see that he was choking Garo - using the Force. Blasters went up again and Ben released Garo from his choke-hold then snapped his fingers.

Red lights flew through the air as Ben deflected each and every one of them. With his hand he reached out from behind him but nothing was happening - at first. I scrambled for my staff but I didn’t know how well that would work but I knew I wasn’t going to sit there like a damsel so I stood up and started deflecting what I could. Soon a short metal staff flew into Ben’s hand which once he activated it I knew it was a lightsaber and he moved onto the individuals who were blasting and started to kill them. He didn’t even need my help and I had been so mesmerized by watching him fight that I had missed Garo getting up and getting so close to me that his fist had connected with my chin. The hit sent backwards but I hadn’t fallen to my feet but it wasn’t long until there was another blow and then another. _You can stop this, you saw Ben do it, just focus and you can do it too_. I felt something wet on my face, it had to have been blood. Garo always made me bleed, now it was my turn.

After his last hit, the anger and hatred for Garo Jaa consumed me and I focused all my energy on choking him. His eyes bulged a little, his breath was short and desperate. Standing on my feet, I watched Garo cripple to his knees and his face turn red. All the noise around me went quiet and there wasn’t anything that existed except me, Garo and all the hatred I had for him. Tears slipped out of my eyes and down my cheeks, I had never hated another being in this galaxy like I did him. I lost _everything_ because of him and now he was going to pay.

“Beykha,”Ben’s soft voice entered my ears but I didn’t listen. “Beykha let him go,” his voice was still soft but commanding. I shook my head.

“No, he needs to die,”I spat through gritted teeth.

“Beykha this isn’t going to bring your parents back, this isn’t going to bring back all those years of torture and rape. He isn’t going to come back after today but if you kill him you’ll have given him something else. You’ll give him your first step to the dark side and I told you that I won’t let you go down that path.” My head told me to keep going but my heart begged me to listen to Ben. He moved to my line of sight. “Beykha, look at me, focus on me,” he pleaded. More tears spilled out of me as I dropped my hand and started to fall to my knees but Ben caught me and held me close to him as a loud sob left my lips.

Garo Jaa stood up and ran back to the barge, which soon disappeared. Eventually the tears had stopped and it was just Ben and I holding each other out in the heat.

“Let’s get you cleaned up,” he suggested quietly. Nodding, I made it back onto my feet and we went to our makeshift medic room where he grabbed the medpack while I hopped on the table.

**Ben**

****I had almost lost her to the Dark side and some may think it to be a little over dramatic but killing someone changes you, I knew that better than most. I understood why she wanted him dead but he got the message, Garo Jaa wouldn’t be coming back and if he did, I wouldn’t stop her from killing him. Beykha had blood starting dry on her lip and nose so I took care of those first. Her nose wasn’t broken but she’d have a swollen eye and lip. I never should’ve left, I almost lost her like I lost Rey and above all else that was the last thing I would let happen. I wasn’t going to leave her ever again.

**Beykha**

****I had touched the dark side and if Ben hadn’t helped I would’ve killed Garo and who knows what would’ve happened? Ben’s eyes were attentive to my wounds, his eyes were soft but sad. I had scared him today, he was scared to lose me.

“Ben,” I muttered, pushing his hand away so he’d focus on me. “Ben I’m sorry, I failed you as an apprentice,” I breathed. Ben placed his hands on my shoulders and shook his head.

“No you didn’t, I failed you as a master. I shouldn’t have run off because I got angry.” There was more he wanted to say but he wouldn’t say it.

“Ben... just say whatever it is you need to say. I know you’ve been hiding something from me, please just tell me, you can trust me.” Instinctively my hand went to hold the side of his neck and I have expected him to flinch away from me like he’d done in the past but this time he didn’t.

“Beykha, you matter to me. After I lost everyone I didn’t think I was capable of caring about another person but the truth is that I love you and I think that I have for a while but my own fear about losing everyone kept me from admitting it but I’m more afraid of not telling you. So, I am in love with you and if you want I’ll stay here with you forever.” What does one say after a declaration of that.. Thank you? No, no that wasn’t right.

“Ben I... I never expected you to feel that way about me,” I blurted out.

“Please tell me that you feel the same way,” he pleaded quietly, his hands cupping my cheeks.

“I do,” I sighed. “I have, longer than you I’m sur-” Ben’s mouth cut me off with a soft kiss.

Fireworks were exploding inside me and refused to be contained. My hands went down to his waist as I pulled him closer to me. When he parted from me, I noticed blood on his chin. Quickly I wiped it away and he wiped away the blood off my bottom lip.

“Pardon me, Mistress but are we safe from hiding now?” B2 called out from behind a pile of speeder parts. Heat rose to my neck and ears but I cleared my throat and looked away from Ben.

“Uh yeah it’s safe now, thank you B2,” I called out, my voice cracking at all the embarrassment.

“Oh good I think I’ll get started on lunch then,” she announced before shimming out of the room. Ben and I couldn’t contain our laughter but I stopped short because more blood had spilled out of my lip.

“Hold still, I can get that fixed,” he ordered quietly. Obedient, I let Ben go around the medpack until he found what he was looking for and placed some sealant on my bottom lip. “All better,” he muttered before kissing my lips again.


	10. Chapter 10

**Finn**

****It had been weeks since we landed on Naboo, we looked at any place that Kylo Ren would have or could have hidden but still there wasn’t anything. Frustrated, I found myself in one of the halls of the Falcon, wracking my brain on anywhere else he could’ve gone. There were millions of planets, a million places where he could hide. A seeping sense of failure had started to overcome my being. I had failed Rey by not protecting her when I should’ve but I couldn’t fail her now by not finding and killing Kylo Ren. I slammed my eyelids shut and took a couple of deep breaths, clearing my mind but still having a desperate need to find Ren. _Tatooine..._ it was a whisper, faint and I almost didn’t hear it but once I did, a peace like confirmation spread through me like wildfire.

Running to find Chewbacca I knew in my soul - in every atom of my being that Ren was there hiding, I didn’t know where but there weren’t a few ports so he couldn’t be too far from either of them.

“Chewie! I know where Ren is! Hurry, we have to get to Tatooine as quickly as possible!” The hairy wookie straightened his body, roared and followed me back to the pilot seat where we started up the Falcon and left Naboo. _Don’t worry Rey, I’ll avenge you, I’ll make Ren pay for what he did to you..._

**Beykha**

****Ben was having another nightmare, he wasn’t screaming or anything but I could feel a disturbance. Grabbing a wrap off of my chair I went to Ben’s room where I found him covered in sweat and breathing heavy. Not wasting a second, I hovered over him and gently put my hand on the side of his face like I had the last time he had a nightmare.

“Ben, wake up,” I whispered. Ben’s eyes snapped open and he jumped away from my touch and huddled himself in the furthest corner. “Ben - Ben it’s okay, it’s okay no one is going to hurt you,” I promised, holding both my hands up in protest. His eyes were searching around the room, his breath trembling, my heart broke for him. Carefully, I took his hand into mine and placed it on my heart.

“Feel my heartbeat,” I ordered softly. “Take deep breaths to the beat of my heart.” I did the breaths along with him until the trembling stopped.

“How did you know that would work?” he asked quietly.

“My mom would do that whenever I had a nightmare I couldn’t shake. Do you want to talk about it?” I asked. Ben shook his head and a part of me respected the decision but the other part wanted him to tell me. “That’s okay, I’ll see you to-”

“Actually, could you stay with me?” he asked, his voice was small as if he were a child but it had to have been difficult to ask.

“Of course,” I breathed and turned back to his bed where he moved so I could get in with him. Ben wrapped his arms around me and pulled me close to his body. “Are you okay?” I asked quietly, not looking him in the face.

“I am now,” he sighed. A few minutes of silence passed by us and I had almost lulled myself to sleep when Ben spoke again. “I was dreaming of Rey.”

“You called me ‘Rey’ the last time you had a nightmare. Who is she?” I asked.

“She... was special to me. We understood each other during a time where I didn’t think anyone did or even could understand me. We were also a dyad in the Force, meaning that we had a unique force connection. We could communicate light years away from each other and even touch, we were truly one with each other in the Force.” I would be lying if I said there hadn’t been a small bit of jealousy brewing inside but this hadn’t been about me, it was about him so I pushed it aside.

“Are... dyads common?” I asked.

“No, there hadn’t been one in a millennia but...” his voice trailed off. “She died and I couldn’t save her. She died saving the galaxy and I couldn’t bring her back and it still haunts me,” his voice was hollow and numb.

My eyes traveled up to Ben’s face which was now tense and clenched. With my hand I forced him to look down at me instead of the distance.

“I’m sure you did everything you could,” I assured. Ben’s eyes watered and when he blinked a few tears slid down his face.

“I always feel like I could’ve done more or that it should’ve been me that had died instead.”

“Don’t say that,” I spat. “Don’t you ever say that. I don’t know Rey and I’m sure she was an amazing person since she saved us all from the First Order but don’t think for one second that her life is more important than yours, I won’t listen.” Ben stayed silent so I continued. “You mean _everything_ to me. You have shown me in six months that it’s okay to trust, that I’m something more than a beaten down whore. That I have a purpose in life, _you_ taught me that and if you hadn’t who knows what would’ve happened to me. Ben I love you and I know you’re hurt and I know that it’s going to take time for you to heal completely - if ever but I’m going to be here for every second of it,” I promised, my eyes pouring into his. Ben pulled me closer to his body as if he were trying to mold us into a single being and I welcomed it.

The next few weeks were bliss. Sure the days were getting hotter and more unbearable and the work was tedious but having a new side to Ben - a new side to me made it worth every second. We had started sleeping together, Ben had less nightmares if I was there and I found that I liked having someone else with me while I slept. As the days passed it felt like we were family, almost like the one I lost but there were still trials and there still my own demons that needed to be addressed.

Ben and I had gone into my room since it had the bigger bed. I had just finished slipping into my night frock when Ben had walked in, his hair rustled from the wind outside. There was a storm coming which would make a long night. Ben came up behind me, wrapped his arms around me and pressed a soft kiss on the corner of my forehead. My body relaxed in his embrace, my eyes closed as he continued to hold me.

“Hello,” I sighed. Ben planted another kiss on my head and squeezed his arms around me.

“Hello,” he greeted softly. I turned my body so that I faced him instead and gingerly kissed Ben on the mouth which he responded with deepening our kiss. There was fire in my belly, it needed to satiated by him.

My hands traveled to Ben’s neck where I pulled him closer to me, opening my mouth so that his tongue could enter and explore. Soon that fire turned into a carnal need and my hands moved from his neck to the hem of his shirt which I had pulled up and over his head. Ben responded in kind by moving his hands to the front of my frock and had started to unbutton the front. I wanted him so much, I needed him inside me so we could be one - we might not be a dyad in the Force but we could be One in other ways and I intended to make it happen. Before I knew it the top half of my frock hand slipped from my shoulders leaving my entire torso exposed. Ben stopped kissing me for a moment to look and he sighed.

“You’re beautiful.” My cheeks went warm and Ben put his mouth back onto mine but they traveled down to my jaw and then to my neck. My blood turned cold and memories of all the times Garo’s clients made me their sexual slave rushed through my mind and for a moment it wasn’t Ben kissing me but the clients and it needed to stop. I tried to reason with my fear and my memories but nothing worked. Fear took over and with my mind using the Force I pushed Ben to the other side of the room while my body fell to ground everything shaking.

“Beykha, what’s wrong, are you okay?” Ben’s voice couldn’t calm my demons. I shook my head but didn’t speak, I couldn’t find my voice. “Ah your memories from before,” he concluded. Tears finally blurred over my sight and fell down my face.

“I’m sorry,” I managed to squeak out. Ben got down to my level but kept his distance.

“You have nothing to be sorry for, nothing that you’re feeling right now is your fault,” he assured. 

“It is my fault,” I argued, my voice still quiet. “I want to be intimate with you but I - I-”

“And we will, just not tonight. You went through a trauma that was never properly dealt with,” Ben explained putting his shirt back on. The tears still slipped and coated my cheeks but I knew that he was right. “Do you want help putting your frock back on?” he asked in a whisper. I nodded and slowly he moved closer to me until he could reach me. Tentatively Ben helped me slip my arms back through my sleeves and let me button it up.

“I’m sorry,” I whispered again. This time Ben took my forearm and pulled me into a hug.

“Don’t be, I love you and I want to be here for you, we’ll work this out together. Are you tired?” he asked. I shook my head, honestly I was afraid of falling asleep. “Okay we don’t need to sleep, do you want to lie next to me?” he asked. I nodded and he extended his other arm then scooped me up and walked over to the bed where he climbed in and then set me down next to him.

When his hands left my body I found myself wanting to be close to him, I wanted Ben to hold me. I looked up at him with praying eyes and he knew or he sensed it but Ben had his hands wrapped around my body like a force shield. One of Ben’s hands went to the back of my head where quietly he stroked my hair and hummed soothingly. It wasn’t long until sleep took me under its wing.

The next morning, I found myself awake before Ben and listened to his deep sleep breathing while I examined his face. I loved watching him sleep, he was always so peaceful and it made feel good that there was a space in which Ben had no fears or anxieties. It wasn’t long until Ben opened his eyes and they focused on me. A smile played on his lips and he bent down to greet me with a quick kiss.

“Do you feel better?” he asked, his voice still groggy.

“A little bit, yes. Should we train?” I asked softly. Ben moved his arms so that he could stretch but shook his head and his arms went right back around me.

“No, not today, I want to lay here with you for a little longer,” he sighed. Smiling I snuggled closer to him and kissed his neck.

“I’m okay with that,” I answered.

“On the other hand, we should probably look at the damage from the storm last night.” I groaned and rolled away so that my back was to his chest.

“I don’t want to,” I pouted. “I like our little safe cocoon.”

“We can always come back to the cocoon but what happens if no one gets their water?” he asked, being the voice of reason. Groaning again I sat up and moved to the edge of the bed where Ben joined me.

“I’ll leave so you can get dressed.”

The vaporators had sustained a lot of damage this time around, so much that we would have to go into Mos Eisley and get the parts to fix most of the vaporators.

“Do you want to come with me?” I asked Ben but any color he had in his skin was gone. He was afraid, of what I didn’t know.

“No, I’ll just stay with the droids and fix everything else that doesn’t need a spare part,” he answered with a tremble in his voice.

“Okay,” I smiled.

After getting the speeder up and ready, I took one last glance at Ben who was standing with B2 while they communicated with a different vaporator and then I rode off to the spaceport. I hated going into Mos Eisley because people thought that they could cheat me since I was a girl and a young one at that. Thankfully today, I was able to get the parts that I needed with little hassle. Before returning home I stopped at the local bar to grab a drink. I sat up by the bartender and ordered some spiced blue milk and started to sip on it while listening to the band in the background.

Just when I was about to pay my tab and leave two people sat next to me, already deep into their own conversation. At a side glance I saw that one of the two people who sat down happened to be a wookie. I had never seen a wookie up close before and it was difficult not to stare and I fought it until I heard the other individual say Ben’s name and I listened closer.

“No one knows anything about him, I don’t know Chewie I don't think we’re going to find him,” the man sighed. _Maybe they’re friends from the resistance?_

“I am sorry,” I started out slowly to get their attention, the man turned towards me and I got a better look at him. He was darker skinned with big brown eyes and dark hair. “Did you say you were looking for Ben?” I asked. The man sitting next to me widened his eyes with excitement.

“Yes, Ben Solo or he might go by some other name like Kylo Ren,” he added enthusiastically.

“Um I don’t know any Kylo Ren but my bo- my friend - no that isn’t the right title either. I’m not sure what you’d call us but there’s someone on my homestead named Ben, he showed up here almost seven months ago. What does your friend look like?” I asked.

“Tall, pale and broody,” he started and my Ben fit that description when he first came.

“He isn’t so broody now but I’m pretty sure that’s the same person. Do you and your wookie want to come with me and see?” I asked lightly.

“We’ve been looking for him everywhere so yes, we’d love too!” I put out my hand.

“I’m Beykha,” the man took my hand.

“Finn,” he introduced. “And this Chewbacca,” he added. I smiled at the wookie and shook his hand.

“It’s great to meet you, I’m sure Ben will be happy to see two faces he knows from the resistance. My speeder is just out front, let's go.”


	11. Chapter 11

**Ben**

There was something wrong in the Force, I could feel it shake my bones, my core but I didn’t know why but I needed to stay close to the homestead. I wanted Beykha to stay close too but I also didn’t want to worry her in case it had been nothing but the disturbance had been difficult to shake. Thankfully I had plenty of work to do to distract me but every so often my mind would wander to the feeling, what if whatever I was feeling had been directed at Beykha, like something horrible was going to happen to her. I opened myself up to the Force enough to where I could feel Beykha and her emotions.

“Master Ben you seem quite distracted, would you like me to prepare tea for you?” B2 suggested but I shook my head.

“No, thank you I’d rather just get this done,” I answered but my voice sounded like it was far away. I should’ve just gone with her that way I could’ve insured her safety...

“Focusing on loss will make you suffer twice my grandson...” It was Anakin Skywalker. He appeared in front of me and brought me out of my haze.

“Grandfather,” I breathed. “I - I’m just nervous-”

“I know, I know,” Anakin started, raising his hand to stop me. “I’m sure your uncle Luke told you how I turned to the dark side.”

“You were seduced - like me,” I answered but Anakin shook his head slightly. He moved closer to me and examined the broken vaporator before turning his attention back to me.

“Yes but not quite. It started with your grandmother you see - Padme,” he said her name with such affection that anyone could see that he still loved her - even in death. “I had a terrible vision of her dying in childbirth and I grew afraid. I had just lost my mother a few years ago and never properly grieved like I should’ve but there was a war and attachment was forbidden in the Jedi so I had no healthy outlet for that grief. Palpatine knew about Padme and I so he managed to manipulate me using her and I lost her anyways,” he paused for a moment. “So you see my grandson, one day you will lose Beykha and it may not be today but at some point you will and you need to plan now on how you are going to channel that grief,” Anakin instructed. I understood the underlying message and shook my head.

“I’m not going back to the dark side,” I explained. “I can’t go back, not after everything Rey did to bring me to the light. Plus there’s no one to seduce me, all the Sith were killed back on Exagol,” I added.

“True there may not be any living Sith but the dark side of the Force always lives. I trust you Ben but the point of this lesson is to not worry about Beykha, enjoy her while you have her.” Anakin disappeared, leaving me and B2 to continue our work. I wish the visit from my grandfather had put me at ease but instead my feelings were on high alert, I was waiting for something bad to happen until I knew Beykha was safe back at the homestead.

**Beykha**

“We’re not far now,” I announced to Finn and Chewbacca. Finn smiled and nodded then glanced back at Chewie. Something seemed off, I didn’t know if it was because of those two or because my mind was still lingering on Ben’s uneasiness this morning. Finally the dome came into view but I didn’t see Ben anywhere when we pulled up.

“Huh, I thought Ben would still be working on the vaporators with B2, well he’s probably inside. You guys are welcome to come with me inside if you want,” I offered, hoping out of the speeder. Chewbacca quietly roared to Finn who nodded.

“If it’s all the same to you, we’ll just wait here in case it isn’t the same Ben that way we can get out of your hair,” Finn responded. _Strange._ I maintained my smile and walked into the dome.

“Ben!” I called, once I was in the middle of the crater. Ben jogged out of the kitchen and into the middle of the crater then wasted no time picking me up and swinging me in a circle. Gently he placed a kiss at the base of my jaw.

“I was only gone a few hours,” I laughed.

“A few hours too long,” he argued, setting me on my feet. I put my hands on the sides of his face and planted a quick kiss on his lips.

“I have a surprise for you but you have to come up,” I smiled. Ben moved his head to one side while keeping his smile on his face.

“A surprise?” he asked. “What?”

“I can’t tell you,” I pointed out, hauling him to the lift to get us up the dome. “Okay, close your eyes.” Ben’s eyebrows were raised, unsure.

“Do you trust me?” I asked. Ben kissed me sweetly as a response. “Okay then close your eyes.” Ben obeyed and I took his hands and led him out of the dome.

We made it maybe 30 feet from the dome entrance when Ben’s eyes flashed open and all the color from his face drained. His body was rigid and tense, my eyes immediately went back to Finn and Chewbacca. I couldn’t read the wookie but I could read Finn and his eyebrows were furrowed together in a thin bushy line, his nostrils were flared and the biggest frown was glued to his face.

“Get back in the dome, Beykha,” Ben warned, his voice almost a whisper.

“Ben what’s going on?” I asked, confused. Nothing had happened, no one had even said anything yet to warrant this behavior.

“FN-2187 - Finn,” Ben called with a fake confidence.

“Kylo Ren,” Finn snarled.

“Wait, what? So you two do know each other?”

“Beykha, please go back to the dome,” Ben begged, his arm covering me.

“No, Ben what’s going on? Who are these people?” I asked.

“So you never told her, I didn’t think you would because she wouldn’t go near you if she knew the truth,” Finn spat. I moved in front of Ben, who had his dark eyes trained on Finn unwaveringly.

“What is he talking about?” My voice went quiet, but Ben remained motionless. My hand went up to Ben’s face, stroking it so he would finally look at me. “Have you been lying to me?” I asked, my voice getting caught in my throat.

“No but I haven’t told you everything,” he answered.

“That still counts at lying Ren,” Finn spat.

“Why does he call you Kylo Ren?” I asked.

“I can answer that. I’m not sure _Ben_ has told you but during the last war he was Supreme Leader Kylo Ren of the First Order - the _enemy_ ,” Finn snapped. I waited for Ben to tell me that it wasn’t true but he was like a statue, firm and unmoving. “During the last battle on Exagol he killed Rey but not before she could destroy the Emperor,” Finn explained. _Rey_...

“That’s a lie,” Ben hissed. “I didn’t kill her, I tried to save her but - but I couldn’t,” Ben clarified.

“I don’t believe you and now I’m going to kill you,” Finn growled, pulling out a blaster.

Everything happened so fast. I could see Finn unholster his gun, my instincts took over and as Finn pulled the trigger I jumped in the way and felt an intense sting on my side. My ears had blurred but there was also a high pitched ringing at the same time. I saw red lights fly a few more times as I hit the ground. I couldn’t hear anything but the ringing in my ear, my eyes had started to blur but when a black blurred figure came into view I knew it was Ben. Ben or Kylo Ren or whoever he was grabbed me under my arms and started to haul me. Every time we moved, a scream echoed in my ear and the pain in my side intensified. My world went dark but then it would turn light again before going back to the dark. Suddenly a burst of wind was whipping around us, we had to be in the speeder. Finally my world went dark for the last time..


	12. Chapter 12

**Ben**

****She was slipping away, the blaster hit had been more fatal than I thought. _Stupid girl!_ I hated that she got in the way, I never would’ve been hit, I had stopped blasters before but of course she had no way of knowing that because I never told her the whole truth. It wasn’t too late for me to save her.

Halting the speeder to an abrupt stop, I moved Beykha in a way so that her wound could be easier to access. Gently I moved my trembling hand onto her wound and took deep breaths, calming my mind and my soul. I knew what had to be done and I had the power to do it, all that was needed was the right focus. With my eyes shut I saw my own life force go into Beykha, my eyes opened and watched as the wound grew smaller and smaller before it was gone. She had started to breathe normally but remained unconscious so I wasted no time in getting us to Mos Eisley and onto a ship away from Tatooine.

**Beykha**

****I was cold, my skin felt tight like it was trying to retain all the warmth from Tatooine. There hadn’t been any pain, my eyes snapped open and immediately went down towards my stomach but there wasn’t anything there, like I hadn’t ever been hit to begin with. I decided to sit up to get a better look at my surroundings.

Everything was metal but not metal that I recognized. _Where was I?_ I moved to a standing position and walked around. There were all sorts of buttons and panels that I didn’t dare touch anything in case it broke something important. Finally I found a doorway that had a window and chairs. The room was lit up in a bright blue color. We were in space, we were off of Tatooine.

“Beykha...” it was Ben’s voice. I whipped around and saw him standing a few feet away from me. Out of instinct I wanted to leap into his arms and ask him where we were and why we were off of Tatooine but I remembered the truth about Ben.. He took a couple of steps towards me but I put my hand out and shook my head, stopping him in tracks.

“Don’t come near me,” I muttered. Ben took a few steps back and looked to the ground. “You lied to me.” Ben’s eyes reached mine, I couldn’t read him or feel him, he cut himself off from me.

“Yes and no,” he started. My eyebrows focused into a single line and my lips turned into a frown.

“That doesn’t make any kind of sense. Where are we?” I asked, my voice gaining more confidence.

“In lightspeed, we had to leave Tatooine. We’re on our way to-”

“ _We_?” I started, my anger making a presence. “Finn and Chewbacca were not after me, they were after _you!_ ” I pointed.

“I know but you got in the way of his shot so I had to take you - I wasn’t going to leave you to die,” Ben’s voice became larger and more bold.

“Why not? According to Finn you’re used to leaving people behind,” I snapped venomously. Ben opened his mouth to retaliate but closed it again.

“He doesn’t know anything about what happened, he wasn’t there,” he finally muttered. His barriers were lowered and I could feel him again. Ben was hurt and sad, I knew then that I had to let him tell me everything.

“Then tell me - everything. I love you Ben and I’ve always known that you were keeping something from me but I didn’t know what so now’s your chance. If you want me to stay with you and if you want to continue this relationship you can’t be afraid of telling me your dark truth, like I did.” Ben pursed his lips together and nodded.

“You’re right, can we at least sit down?” he motioned past him where a small table sat. I nodded and led the way.

Once we sat down, Ben took a deep breath and started telling me everything. How he was training with his uncle Luke and how Snoke seduced me into the dark side then became Kylo Ren. He told me about the terrible things he did, how he killed his father and almost his mother. He told me more about Rey and how she believed that he would turn back to the light and connected his story back to that night on Exagol. It had been a lot to take in and for a moment after he finished I sat in silence, not sure what to say but everything he had told me was the truth I could feel it.

“Say something,” Ben begged, my shoulders shrugged.

“I know you aren’t lying to me but why is Finn saying that you killed Rey?” I asked. Ben sighed and shook his head.

“He’s making an assumption, he knew Rey was there and he’s force sensitive so he probably felt Rey’s death just like I did but then saw me leave instead of her. He didn’t know that I had turned and neither did Rey until Exagol,” Ben explained. My head felt clouded with all kinds of noise and thoughts, I needed some time to myself.

“I need to process all of this, I’m gonna go walk around and think, come get me when we’re out of lightspeed. How did you get a ship, by the way?” I asked.

“Used the Force to convince someone that your speeder was worth more than their ship,” he answered plainly. The desire to laugh played on my lips but I kept still and wandered around trying to gather my thoughts.

The things Ben did were terrible, the lives he took, the fear he instilled. Looking at him it wasn’t a past that I could see him doing. No one ever saw Kylo Ren’s face because of his mask but everyone knew that he was the son of Han and Leia Solo. That’s why he never told me his last name, in case I had heard of him. I had to ask myself if I truly could look beyond his past and continue as we did before.

“Do you love him?” the voice didn’t belong to me or to Ben. My eyes snapped up and a girl who was blue like a hologram stood in front of me. My body jumped away and my mouth dropped to call Ben for help but a feeling of peace took over and I knew that this girl wasn’t going to hurt me.

“Rey,” I connected. She smiled at me and nodded. “How are you here?”

“My body is gone but my spirit isn’t. Master Skywalker taught me how to manifest myself to those who are open, now answer my question. Do you love Ben?” she asked again more slowly.

“Yes but how can I just ignore all the horrible things he did?” I asked her.

“You can’t ignore them but you can accept them and it wasn’t _Ben_ who did it but Kylo Ren, if you look at it from a certain point of view,” she explained. It made sense, the way she thought about it and I really did love Ben.

“You’re really good,” I acknowledged with a sigh. “What do we do now? About Finn?” I asked.

“I’ve tried reaching him but because he isn’t trained in the Force he can’t see me, I’ll keep trying but you and Ben need to train. Finn is going to find you again and he’s going to bring a small mob of people to make sure that you two can’t run away again.” I took a deep breath and nodded, Rey smiled again encouragingly.

“I believe in you and more importantly Ben believes in you.”

“Beykha, we’re coming out of lightspeed,” Ben called, I moved my head towards his voice then went back to Rey except she had disappeared. Silently I traveled back to the cockpit to find Ben standing out the door. Rey was right, this wasn’t Kylo Ren, this was Ben Solo the man I loved who I didn’t believe could love me but did. Without wasting another moment, I walked up to him, wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled his lips to mine. Although he was surprised Ben kissed me back, putting his arms around me.

“I love who you are now Ben Solo,” I whispered moving centimeters away from his mouth. Ben moved his hands away from my waist and cupped my cheeks.

“I am so sorry that I didn’t tell you everything, I should’ve trusted you but I was too afraid.” I shook my head.

“I understand but your past isn’t as important to me as our future together. Finn isn’t going to give up so we’ll need to train so that we’re ready for him,” I explained. Ben nodded and dropped his hands from my face and went to sit and brought us out of lightspeed.

“I have the perfect place, we’re coming in now.” The planet was mixed with blues and greens, I couldn’t take my eyes off of it.

“Where are we?” I asked in awe.

“Naboo.”


	13. Chapter 13

**Beykha**

****We landed near a large body of water that glistened like sapphires when the sun hit it. I remembered a few clients talking about Naboo before and some spoke of the Lake Country but I never thought that I’d ever get to see it. Before Ben could do anything or say anything I sprinted to the shore and watched the water climb up the sand and fall back.

“Have you ever seen a lake before?” Ben asked, standing next to me grabbing my hand. I shook my head.

“I didn’t even know you could have so much water in one place. I’ve heard clients talk about it but I never thought I’d get to see it for myself,” I breathed. Ben let go of my hand and bent over taking his shoes off. “What are you doing?” Ben looked back up at me.

“I’m going to put my feet in,” he answered. “Take your shoes off,” he commanded lightly. Smiling I bent over and unlatched my shoes and took off my socks.

Together we inched closer to the water until the small waves touched our toes. The water was cold but not freezing so we went in a little more until our feet were completely submerged. The water was refreshing on my calloused feet, my eyes closed and my face turned up towards the sun to feel its warmth which wasn’t as bad as Tatooine’s. Ben’s arm went around my shoulders and he pulled me closer to his body, I never wanted this moment to end.

Suddenly Ben swept me up in his arms, taking me out of my perfect moment. Ben moved deeper into the water until he was waist deep.

“Don’t do what I think you’re going to do Ben,” I warned. Ben smiled - truly smiled like the day we finally admitted our feelings. He brought his mouth close to mine and gently kissed me, another perfect moment. When Ben moved away from me he used his arms to throw me into the water. Once I came back up I started to thrash around, panicked at the thought of drowning.

“Beykha, Beyk.. you can stand up.” I stretched out my legs and felt the smooth sand hit the bottoms of my feet.

“Oh..” We burst into laughter and I wrapped my arms around his neck to hold him closely. I would always be a little sad for Kylo Ren but he existed no more. Now it was just Ben and I for as long as we had time for.

“Now what am I supposed to do? I’m all wet,” I challenged as we finished our laughing fit. Ben pointed behind me to a tall layered building that was covered in more green than building.

“That’s Varykino, my grandmother’s lake house. Once my grandmother died it became abandoned, my mother always wanted to make it come to life but she never found the time. I figured it would be a good place to lay low for a while,” Ben explained. I surveyed the surrounding ground and couldn’t find a good path that connected us to the ship.

“How are we going to get there?” I asked, my eyes still searching for a path.

“We’re going to swim,” Ben answered simply. Slowly I turned to him with one eyebrow raised.

“Ben I don’t know how to swim, I’ve never even seen a body of water that didn’t come from a vaporator.”

“You’re going to learn - but not today the sun is getting low and I don’t want to risk anyone seeing us so get on my back and I’ll get us there,” he instructed, turning around.

Breathing a sigh I hopped on his back and Ben started walking towards Varykino until he couldn’t touch the ground and he swam us to the port where a pair of stairs greeted us. We made it to the door which surprisingly hadn’t been locked but before I entered, I made sure to get rid of any excess water so I didn’t damage anything inside.

Once inside I marveled at its beauty. There were so many open areas that led outside to a terrace, so many columns. Even though a thick layer of dust coated every crevice the beauty of the palace still shined through.

“Beykha, I found a closet of clothes, try to find something to wear so that these can dry out.” Ben guided me through different halls until we stopped in a bedroom. The bed was the size of my entire room back on the homestead and tall drapes covered the arched windows. In a corner was a closet with bags and bags of what I assumed were his grandmother’s clothes.

“Ben are you sure I should be wearing your grandmother’s clothes?” I asked, nervously. Ben chuckled and squeezed my shoulder.

“She would want you to wear them, I promise. I never met her but I just have a feeling that she’d be the first person to give you something to wear if you needed it,” Ben assured me.

“I’m going to see if my grandfather happened to leave anything here, I’ll be back,” Ben pressed a quick kiss to my forehead before leaving me alone.

There had been too many options and a lot of them felt too fancy for me to wear. His grandmother had to be some kind of royalty or someone important. Finally I found something that looked like it would fit but it was still kind of fancy. The dress came in two parts, two metal arm bracelets and then the gown, which was connected to necklace brace. I slipped it over my head and connected the metal back to my neck and wiggled my arms through the sleeves but they only went as high as my elbow where the bracelets met. The one thing I really hated about the dress was how low the back was, my scars were out in the open for everyone to see. I knew Ben had seen them but I felt naked not having them covered up.

I couldn’t find any shoes but I didn’t really need them, the ground was stone and grass. Walking around the room, I found a long mirror covered by a sheet. Curious to see what I looked like I removed the sheet and a long sigh left my lips. The dress was layered in color, first was a pale purple lavender color then it bled into a sunset pink color before settling on a pale yellow. It felt like I was trying to be somebody else, like I was wearing a mask - a mask I never wanted to take off.

The sun outside had started to set and I wanted to see it so instead of waiting for Ben I ventured out to a stone terrace where you could see the lake and see the sun. I placed my hands on the railing and watched nature go by, there were even more mountains of green and they looked even darker as the sun had started to set. I never wanted to leave, this was the most beautiful place in all the galaxy.

“Beykha,” Ben’s voice came from the entrance. Turning towards him, I smiled and almost stifled a laugh.

“Not much luck for you then?” I asked. Ben found some pants that were a little too tight around his thighs and a plain tan shirt that had a V-cut that was also a little too small for him. Ben looked down and smiled.

“No, these had to belong to my grandfather when he was younger but you-”

“Don’t say anything, please, I feel so out of place and uncomfortable,” I interrupted. “I know you can see the scars on my back but your grandmother was smaller than me and a lot of her outfits had binding chests that just didn’t work for me,” I added. Ben took my hands into his and pressed his lips to them.

“You’re so beautiful,” he breathed. Unconsciously I shivered when Ben led me back inside and into a room where a fire was already lit. We sat on the floor and huddled together to get all the warmth we could. Though, admittedly I was the one more cold than he but that’s what happens when you spend your life on a desert planet. I had my back against Ben’s chest and his arms wrapped around me.

“Ben what are we doing?” I asked softly.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, here? I know you said that we have to lay low but Rey told me that Finn is coming so we can’t just sit here and play family while-”

“Woah, woah wait, you talked to Rey? How? When?” he asked, moving so that he could see my face. I blinked so I could go back to that conversation and retrained my thoughts to focus.

“On the ship actually, after you told me about Kylo Ren and I said I needed to think. She just appeared and asked me if I loved you and basically she’s the best wing woman you’ve ever had. She told me that she’s tried talking to Finn but he’s going down a dark path and that he’s gathering people to come kill you so we need to train,” I explained. Ben glanced away from me, his mind thinking about a plan but he gave up quickly.

“I know you’re scared,” Ben started, his brown eyes staring into the deepest part of my soul. “I’m sorry that I’ve roped you into this but I believe in us and knowing you, you’ll find a way to bring Finn back. He isn’t too far gone, he’s just grieving but we’ll train anyway just in case, but I promise you’ll be safe.”

“Ben I don’t care about me,”I clapped back quickly, standing on my feet. At first Ben just watched me but as I continued he stood up. “Ben I know you went through a lot and have lost so many people and I don’t intend to be the next person that you lose but I’m afraid that you’re going to be careless with your own life and if you die then what’s the point?” My voice went into a yell. Ben, now on his feet, tried to comfort me by putting his hands on my shoulders but I shook them off and put a little bit of distance between us. “Ever since I escaped from Garo I never thought in a million light years that anyone would love me. I was determined to live my life alone and die alone on that homestead but you come into my life and show me that not everyone is bad, not everyone is going to hurt me. You have loved me so much better than I thought I ever deserved and I can’t go back to not being loved.” Shamelessly tears had started to pool and trickle down my cheeks while Ben stood still, with his back to the fire. I had more to say but couldn’t find my own voice to say them so I turned away from Ben to wipe away my tears.

Ben’s soft footsteps stopped right behind me. He didn’t know what to say, his mind was loud with emotion and words but none of them coherent. Instead Ben used his index finger and traced one of the scars on my back. Goosebumps popped up on my skin and I shivered at his touch, I had never been touched there with gentleness. I turned halfway so I could see his eyes and they were wet as well.

“Beykha... I... after everything that I had done I never thought I deserved love, it’s one of the reasons why I pushed you away for so long. After Rey I made it my mission to make sure everything was put right and Finn is one of those things I need to set right. I don’t know how I’m going to set that right but for tonight - just tonight I want to pretend that this is our life. I don’t want to think about Finn or Rey or anyone, I just want to be here with you, is that alright?” I blinked away any tear that could’ve been left and nodded.

Ben slowly placed one hand on my cheek and the other on my waist, drawing me closer to his body. Gradually he placed his lips on mine, it was soft and innocent. He knew my reservations about intimacy and didn’t want to make me uncomfortable. Gingerly I kissed him back and made it deeper. Ben responded kindly and eventually slipped his tongue into my mouth, I gave him dominance. My hands traveled to the hem of his shirt and pulled it off and over his head. Ben stared as if he were asking me if I wanted to continue, I nodded. He attacked my lips and scooped me up into his arms and started walking towards the back of the palace.

With the Force Ben opened up a door and placed me on my feet, we were back in his grandmother’s room. While he worked on getting the neck brace off, I shoved the sleeves and arm bracelets off. The dress slipped down and stopped at my ankles. Panic had started to rise in me as the flashbacks came into my mind.

“Beykha,” Ben whispered. “You’re safe, you’re loved,” he added. The sound of his voice calmed my demons and the flashes of the past disappeared. Once they were entirely gone I turned to face him. Instinctively my hands flew to my chest and I bit my bottom lip. I expected Ben to move my arms away but instead he held my face with his hands and kissed me again with the same innocence as we started out with. 


	14. Chapter 14

**Beykha**

The sun peeked through the curtains and kissed my bare back. My eyes fluttered open to see a bare chested Ben laying next to me still asleep. Memories of last night played in my head over and over again until my face became hot. I moved my body closer to his until Ben’s arm wrapped around me, holding me closer to him.

“Good morning,” he whispered with his eyes closed.

“It definitely is,” I sighed. “I didn’t think it was possible to be any happier until last night,” I commented, stretching my body. Ben rolled over on top of me, using his arms to support his weight and placed his lips onto mine.

“I love you,” he whispered. No matter how many times he said it I would never get tired of hearing it.

“Say it again,” I pleaded, while my fingers moved pieces of hair away from his face. Ben dipped his head again and kissed me but less innocently.

“I love you Beykha Novan, I love you,” he repeated. I wished we could stay here forever and never worry about Finn or the farm or real life. I wanted to live in this bed with Ben forever but the nag of what was coming got louder and louder. Ben groaned and let some of his weight fall on top of me, his head nestled between my neck and shoulder.

“You’re right, we need to train,” he mumbled. I wiggled one hand free and started to stroke Ben’s hair.

“As soon as everything is fixed, we can have more days where we just lay around. I mean now that we know about Varykino, maybe we can come back as a vacation destination or something,” I giggled, knowing that moisture farmers don’t get vacations. Ben brought up his head and rested it on my chest.

“Yeah or maybe we can leave Tatooine and make a life here, there’s plenty of agriculture here. We could find something to farm and make a life here - if you wanted,” Ben suggested. Biting my lip, I glanced away. There were so many factors to consider both good and bad, Tatooine was my home and it was all I knew but being here, having more days like this?

“We can talk about it later, for now we’ve got to start training,” I announced sitting up in the bed.

A few hours later Ben and I found ourselves running through a small trail in the forest trying to find a flag while avoiding nature’s obstacles. I had never dealt with trees or branches so finding my way to our makeshift flag took a little longer but every time we ran through a new course I found myself getting a little bit better than last time but still nowhere near as good as Ben, even though he wouldn’t admit it.

The sun had started to get lower so we both agreed that this would be our last run for the day. We both started to run, one of the good things about living on Tatooine and my past experiences was that I had been able to outrun Ben. Successfully I had dodged a few branches but once I focused and cleared my mind in order to find the flag that’s when I would mess up because it always took me a while to focus. I stopped running, deciding that I was far away from Ben that I could focus on the Force. Glancing up I saw a nearby tree that had huge branches that I could stand on, jogging closer to it, I used the Force to help me jump and reach it. Reaching it, I stood and balanced myself towards the trunk and closed my eyes, cleared my mind. I saw it, I knew where to go and how to get there.

Wasting no time, I jumped off the branch and darted in the direction which led me deeper into the forest but I wasn’t scared. I kept pushing myself to run until finally I found it so I stopped to take a breath before walking up to the branch that held the red scrap of cloth.

“You thought it would be that easy?” Ben’s voice came from the woods, behind me and held a lightsaber in his hand.

“We’ve never practiced with lightsabers, plus I don’t have one,” I pointed out. Ben reached in his back pocket and threw one in my direction.

“Where did you get this?” I asked, marveling at its craftsmanship.

“That’s my mother’s, and the one I have is my uncle’s and my grandfather’s. I buried both of them when I first landed on Tatooine and after everything happened with Finn, I grabbed my mother’s just in case. I didn’t want him finding it and using it against me,” he explained.

“It’s beautiful,” I breathed, my fingers touched every button until I found the one that activated it. My eyes grew wide with wonder as the blue light coated my surroundings. Clicking the button again, I deactivated it.

“Maybe one day when everything is calm I can build my own,” I muttered.

“Perhaps but for now we’ll use these to train. I wish we had more ways to train but this will be good enough.” Ben activated his lightsaber and I followed suit then stood in a defensive position waiting for him to strike. “I love you but I’m not going to go easy because it will be a matter of life and death,” Ben added before raising his lightsaber and charging towards me. Pulling my lightsaber closer to me, I stopped Ben’s attack and used my weight plus the Force to push him off and away from me. It was my turn for an attack, which he blocked then wasted no time to lunge towards me.

The more we fought, the more aggressive he got and the darker I felt. There was a cloud of darkness hanging over Ben, not touching him but looming over like it could touch him at any moment and it scared me. I tried to push away the fear but Ben’s eyes became less soft, less filled with affection and more darkness. I didn’t know if he was having flashbacks or if he was thinking about Finn or if he was reverting back to Kylo Ren but I knew that I had to stop it before it was too late. Ben was coming in for an attack, I dropped my lightsaber and stood still. Ben’s lightsaber stood inches from my neck but I knew that no matter what Ben would never hurt me.

“What are you doing?” he panted, his lightsaber deactivated. My eyebrows were pushed together.

“What are _you_ doing?” I circled back. Ben looked around and shrugged his shoulders, still catching his breath. “Ben, I could sense darkness when we were fighting. What were you thinking about?” I asked slowly. Ben’s face relaxed and his eyes softened like they’ve always been.

“I was thinking about the past, Kylo Ren, Finn, Rey,” he answered. Walking closer to him, I took his empty hand into my own.

“What about them?” I asked. “What emotions were you associating with those thoughts?” I clarified. It took Ben a moment to answer and for a while he wouldn’t look at me, like he was trying to solve the puzzle all on his own.

“First I was fine but after a while I got angry and scared,” he admitted.

“I get it,” I sighed.

“You really don’t though,” Ben spat. “You don’t feel temptation from the dark side, you don’t have any blood on your hands, any guilt,” he argued. Part of me wanted to drop his hand and keep my distance, not out of fear but anger so instead I squeezed it tighter.

“Oh really _I_ don’t have temptations?” I clapped back snarkily.

“Not like mine, you’ve never touched the dark side but me? I know the power that comes with it and even though Snoke and Palpatine are dead I still feel the darkness within me,” he explained.

“Ben, do you remember that day with Garo Jaa? I could’ve killed him, it would’ve been so _easy_ to kill him and I wanted to, remember? The only reason I didn’t was because you were there to stop me, you told me that if I killed him I’d be giving him my first step down the dark side,” I paused to take a breath and to see if Ben had anything to say, when he didn’t I continued.

“Ben, I don’t know what you went through, I can’t completely understand your experience but I understand temptation and I understand wanting the power and control that comes with the dark side and I know it’s harder on you but if you keep your mind centered on something that you love and don’t want to lose that should help keep you away from the temptation,” I explained. Ben stared at me, his eyes filling with tears.

I knew he still suffered and he was still hurting about his past but I also knew that one day he would look on it and not feel as much pain as he did right now. Ben blinked away his tears and drew me closer to him. Instinctively I wrapped my arms around his waist and placed my head on the bottom of his shoulder.

“When did you become the master and I the student?” he asked lightly.

“We both have our strengths and weaknesses,” I retorted. “Come on, the sun is setting and I’m exhausted,” I groaned.

“Well not _too_ exhausted, I hope,” Ben winked, hoisting me into the air and on his back.

“Hm, we’ll see,” I joked, pressing a kiss to his temple.


	15. Chapter 15

**Beykha**

It had almost been two weeks since we landed on Naboo and while it reminded me of some version of Heaven that I dreamt of when I was younger the underlying fear of Finn always crept up on me. We had trained hard, I knew more about the Force and how to defend myself with a lightsaber than I ever thought possible but there was still an underlying fear of loss.

Logically, I knew the chances of Ben getting hurt were minimal because of how trained he was in both the light and the dark but I worried that if I died then Ben would go back to the dark side. From everything he's told me about his grandfather, Anakin Skywalker, it wasn't an uncommon thing but then on the other hand I wanted to believe that if I died that Ben would look to his grandfather for guidance and grieve properly then go back to Tatooine and take care of my droids and the farm or at least my droids if nothing else. The best outcome was to live and I wanted to live. I wanted a life with Ben where we grow old and have grandchildren who have the freedom to do and go wherever they wanted but I would have to fight for it.

The sun lit our room, demanding attention from the sleeping planet. My eyes fluttered but felt a little too heavy to be opened all the way so I turned my body to face Ben and snuggled against his chest until his arms were wrapped around me. Safety surrounded me and with Ben's arms around me, I felt as if I could personally take on anyone that wanted to hurt Ben.

"Arrogance is not the way of a jedi," Ben's groggy voice reminded me.

"It's not arrogance, it's confidence," I clarified with a smirk. "When I'm with you, I feel confident," I added, finally opening my eyes to look up at Ben. Ben smiled but it dropped quickly, suddenly I felt it too, something was wrong, everything in my body sank beneath the floor. Ben and I looked away from each other and then back again.

"He's here," Ben muttered. Finn felt far away but he was on Naboo and he wasn't alone, we knew Finn wouldn't be stupid enough to come back again with just a wookie but there hadn't been a way of knowing how many people he brought until he was closer. My fears rang louder in my ears as I got out of bed and dressed myself. Nausea took hold of me and I ran to the nearest bathroom and empty my stomach's contents. 

It didn't take Ben long to follow me inside the bathroom and start rubbing my back, which only made the fear of losing him louder. A tightness took hold of my chest, making it difficult to breathe. Tears started to slip down my cheeks as I continued to vomit.

"Beykha, what's wrong?" Ben asked, intense concern coating his voice. I shook my head and moved myself away from the toilet, brought my knees to my chest and continued to cry making the tightness worse.

"I'm scared Ben, I'm scared of what's going to happen to us," I sobbed, covering my eyes.

"Sweetheart," Ben whispered, scooping me into his lap, holding me tightly.

"I wish I were brave but I'm not," I continued. Ben placed a hand on my head and started to stroke my hair.

"Beykha you _are_ brave, you've dealt with gangsters who could've killed you, you've allowed yourself to be vulnerable to me in every way that's possible. When I first met you, you were so hard and wouldn't accept help from anyone but now look at you! I have faith that we will come out of this winning and then if you want to go back to Tatooine then that's what we'll do," Ben promised. I took in a shaky breath and allowed it to come out shaky. Ben was right, I had changed so much from the girl he first met.

"Just don't do anything rash, okay? Promise me, we'll do this together," I breathed. Ben moved away from me far enough that he could see my puffy red eyes and gave me a crooked smile.

"I promise to both, I won't do anything rash and we will do this together." His voice was soft but confident and I felt reminded of my own confidence. Where there was mostly fear was now peace. I took in one last breath and when I exhaled I nodded and we stood up on our feet and walked outside with our heads held high and waited for Finn to find us.

**AN: I am so so sorry that this chapter is so short but my computer is using a crap charger and it's making everything lag so this was all I managed to type before losing my patience. I should be getting a better charger this week so the next chapter will be longer and it will also be the last chapter before the epilogue. I just wanted to say a HUGE thank you to all that have read this and enjoyed it!**


	16. Chapter 16

**Finn**

****Ren and the girl, Beykha were on Naboo, I could feel it and I knew right where to look. A small company of angry resistance fighters who hated Kylo Ren just as much as me banded together in a ship and we landed a few meters away from a different ship that was close to Varykino. It was stupid of Ren to hide somewhere that meant something to him but it made me easier on me to destroy him and the girl. At first I had given Beykha the benefit of the doubt, maybe she didn’t know that Ren had killed Rey. If she hadn’t died from my blaster and if she was smart she would be parsecs away from Kylo Ren but if she wasn’t then I wouldn’t show her any mercy.

**Beykha**

****I was ready, I knew my strength and I knew my skill. I held Leia Organa’s lightsaber in my hands, breathing deeply trying to center myself and find my peace but something about this whole fight felt off but I couldn’t place what it was and there hadn’t been any time to figure out what it could be. I stood in between two ivy coated pillars with my arms crossed, my eyes watching the lake and the sun rising higher in the sky.

Ben’s large arms wound around my waist, his face nestled in the space between my shoulder and jaw. He had already found his peace and center but there was still something else, something that he was blocking from me.

“What are you thinking about?” I asked softly. “You’re blocking me from something.” Ben placed his soft lips on my shoulder and held me tighter. He was going to give himself up to Finn in order to protect me. A part of me wanted to lash out and scream but I remained calm in order to maintain my center.

“It was only minutes ago you said we were doing this together,” I snapped quietly. “That you weren’t going to do anything rash,” my words went softer to conceal my emotion.

“I won’t do it right away but after failing to save Rey, I vowed that I would do anything to make this right. If Finn killing me makes this right then so be it and I won't let him hurt you again.” There wasn’t any time for crying or sobbing but the tears still pricked at my eyelids.

“What about doing right by me?” I started until a sob hiccuped its way out of me. “There’s got to be another way to do right besides letting Finn kill you.” I turned my body so I could see Ben’s face, his eyes were pink with emotion. Out of instinct my hands flew to his face but instead of just holding them my fingers pranced along his skin, moving his hair, memorizing every single line and mole.

“I pray to the Gods that there is and that we get to live out our life in peace but I have to follow through on my vow - I have to.”

We needed more time, more time to be sad, more time to be with each other in this moment but Finn was getting closer, we could both feel it. My hands moved past his face and went around his neck, I hoisted myself up to be closer to his body. A few droplets fell from my eyes but no sobs, when I pulled back, I covered my lips with Ben’s and let them take over me. His arms squeezed the small of my back then fell to my hips where he pulled me away.

“No matters what happens, I love you, remember that,” he whispered, his breath dancing across my cheeks.

I nodded, “I love you too.”

Together we made our way across the lake and ventured into the forest. My peace had come back and while it was there I would focus and hone in on it. Once we reached land, it didn’t take us long to hear the chattering voices of the people who sought to destroy us. Ben grabbed my hands, interlocking our fingers as we revealed ourselves to a group of 15 or 30 people all wearing different colored jumpsuits. One of them nudged Finn’s familiar brown jacket and he whipped around to see the two of us.

“I’m surprised you didn’t run after everything I told you about him,” his voice was sticky with anger.

“Finn, Ben didn’t kill Rey, he tried to save her but he-”

“Quiet!” he hissed, leaving my mouth open.

“You’ve been busy Finn, I hope that kyber crystal isn’t red,” Ben gestured to the lightsaber hanging from his belt. Finn’s eyes flared at Ben and there wasn’t anything more that I wanted to do except jump in the way again to shield Ben from anyone that posed a threat but there were too many people for me to do that and protect myself.

Finn took the lightsaber off of his belt and ignited it, the color was a piercing blue like mine and Ben’s.

“Of course it isn’t red, I’m not like you Ren!” Finn shouted.

“You’re not? Finn, I can feel the darkness within you because of your hatred towards me. I didn’t kill Rey, I tried to give her my life force but it was too late, she had already ascended into the Force,” Ben explained. A shadow of doubt loomed over Finn’s face before it was replaced with the same rage I knew.

“Liar!” Finn called before lurching forward with a raised saber Ben stood there motionless, waiting for him to strike but I wouldn’t allow that strike to come.

Jumping in front of Ben, using my saber I blocked Finn’s attack. He continued to push but I used the Force to remain where I was. Finn was bigger than me, not by much but still bigger and had a better physical advantage but I had the light side of the Force on my side and a love for Ben Solo that was stronger. Eventually I heaved my weight forward and pushed Finn out of them. Ben’s protest entered my mind but I shook my head.

“I know what you said but I will not allow you to sit there and let Finn kill you - you said you were going to try, this doesn’t look it like,” I hissed, preparing for another defense.

Finn went in again but stronger and I was able to stop it but not as confidently as before. My feet tumbled backwards like they were going to fall but I balanced myself. Finn lunged again and I matched his power. Our sabers crossed like an X and our faces were close.

“Think about it Finn, Ben could kill you easily but he isn’t because he isn’t Kylo Ren anymore,” I pleaded in between grunts.

“He doesn’t care about you Beykha, why else is he letting you fight for him - because you’re expendable!”

“No!” Something strong inside me was able to push Finn back so much so that he slid on his feet. No one from the group that Finn brought dared to move forward, they had nothing compared to the power of the Force and a lightsaber.

Finn's eyes glowed with rage in a way that I never encountered in my life and it made me wonder for a slight moment if that’s what my eyes looked like the day I almost killed Garo Jaa. He was hurting, just like I was. 

My focus faltered a moment too long and a flesh searing pain blinded my sight, my body had started to fall to the ground and Ben’s voice echoed through my ears. My thigh burned like it was on fire. My vision cleared enough for me to raise my head and examine the wound. A long red gash went up from the side of my knee to the end of my hip. From my wound my eyes fell on Ben who was using offensive strikes against Finn instead of defensive. The tension in the air around us had been so thick that it was suffocating. I wanted this stop, once Ben knew that I was okay he would stop and let Finn finish him for good.

My head started to swirl with noises of the thoughts of everyone around, cheering Finn on. The pain that Kylo Ren had caused these people boiled my blood but Finn’s pain had been the loudest. All he could think about was Rey and avenging her, his feelings towards her filled my lungs, it was an all too familiar feeling but it was slowly being choked out of me and being replaced by the darkness in Finn’s heart and the darkness in everybody else. It needed to stop, my hands flew on my ears, hoping to block it but their darkness had started to become more than sounds in my head. If it didn’t stop soon I knew I would burst.

My mouth released a sound that was so alien that I wasn’t sure it had even come from me. The sound had reached into my core, it made my blood sing and forced my mind to be clear. My eyes were clamped shut until everything from me had disappeared. When the sound stopped, my eyes opened to reveal the damage I had caused. Trees were bent away from me, the group of people that stood together were now on the ground, staring at me in a mixture of awe and terror. Finn and Ben had also toppled to the ground, Ben being the only one who had no fear in his expression. _Had I done all that with the Force?_ I glanced at Ben who nodded answering my question. I had never felt powerful before but I knew I had to use it to turn this situation around.

Using the Force as a crutch I willed myself to my feet and hobbled over to Finn, dropping my lightsaber. Breathing hard I stared down at him, trying to find the right words to say.

“You loved Rey, didn’t you?” I asked softly. The fear in Finn’s eyes replaced itself with affection and despair. He nodded as a response. “She was your family,” I went deeper and Finn nodded again. It had all started to make sense. “I understand, I lost my family and became a slave for years. After I freed myself I later came face to face with the same man who tortured and violated me for years and I almost killed him but Ben stopped me,” I paused to catch my breath.

“Rey didn’t die because of Kylo Ren, she died to save the Galaxy from the Emperor. Finn she’s been trying to reach out to you like she has with me but because of this hatred she isn’t able to. I know it’s easier to put the blame on Ben because he’s still here and he did terrible things but that isn’t the same man who’s standing here. Even if it was, do you honestly think that Rey would want you to seek the dark side and avenge her? Was that kind of person she was? She saw good in him, the whole time and he came back, it isn’t too late for you either - any of you.” I extended my hand towards Finn and breathed in deep. “Let go of your hate,” I pleaded softly.

Finn’s eyes darted away from mine and his shoulders huffed violently like he was fighting an inward battle but he gave in. His soft hand took mine and with any strength I had left I helped Finn to his feet.

“You’re right, she wouldn’t want this and this isn’t what I want either,” Finn sighed. Regret loomed over his eyes and expression but I squeezed his hand.

“I know, it’s okay,” I whispered. Finn let go of my hand and turned away from Ben and I.

“Beykha’s right, if we’re going to be better than the First Order then we need to be the first to forgive. If Kylo Ren can change then we need to let him prove that he’s Ben Solo, let’s go,” Finn declared. Some people agreed with Finn but there were a couple voices that I knew didn’t feel the same. 

"If I hear that you have slipped up - even once or hurt her-" he pointed to me. "I will find you and I won't hesitate to kill you," Finn threatened before going with the rest of his group. My eyes scanned the area and waited until everyone was back on the ship before I let my body go limp again but instead of falling to the ground Ben caught me, putting one arm around his neck.

When we turned I felt it right as the blaster went off and I swirled around and caught the blaster shot before it could hit Ben in the back. The culprit stood on the landing ramp and had tears down their face, with the Force I redirected the shot to a nearby tree and waited until the landing ramp had sealed itself before relaxing in Ben’s arms.

“I thought you said you were going to let Finn kill you?” I asked Ben as he settled me on the bed. He ignored me and moved my frock out of the way so that he could take my pants off. His mind was a mess, too many thoughts about my wound. Ben went to the drapes and tore off a piece.   
“No need to be dramatic, I’m sure there’s some kind of medpack somewhere around here,” I joked but there was no reaction out of Ben. He stayed stoic and focused, which annoyed me.

“Ben,” I grabbed his chin to force him to look at me. “Stop, I’m going to be okay, it stings but I’m going to be okay,” I paused, still no reaction. “Why didn’t you let Finn kill you when you had the chance?” I asked, my voice more like a soft tremor. _Failure._ Echoed in his mind. “Ben you aren’t a failure, you made things right.” My hands started to creep up to his face but she shoved them away and stood on his feet.

“No, I didn’t. _You_ did, I shouldn’t have ever dragged you here in the first place,” his voice grew louder with every syllable. “It was _my_ task to make things right and I couldn’t even do that!” I moved myself off the bed and limped over to the window where Ben stood, huffing.

“ _That’s_ what you’re angry about? The fact that _I_ was the one to resolve this and not you?” I paused. “That is the most ridiculous thing I have _ever_ heard!” I laughed. “So what you didn’t get Finn to change his mind - maybe that was the point! Did you ever think that maybe the Force brought us together so that we could save each other?” I demanded, now getting angry at him. Ben opened his mouth to protest but I raised a hand to shut it. “Sure, maybe we aren’t a _dyad_ in the Force like you and Rey were but guess what? We’re still connected and I’m not going to sit here while you have a pity party about who got to save who. I’m going back to Tatooine and if you don’t come with me, I don’t want to see you again,” I snapped. It was a touch dramatic on my part, I'll be the first to admit but I wasn't going to sit here and let him like a wound about me saving him.

Ben’s face finally showed a reaction, shocked fear and I didn’t care. I limped my way out of the bedroom and down the halls until I found the stairs that entered the lake. I still didn’t know how to swim but I didn’t care, I would teach myself right now if it proved a point to Ben.

“Beykha, I’m sorry!” Ben called out to me at the end of the hallway. Limping, I turned around to face Ben who was still getting closer to me.   
“I’m sorry, you’re right I guess I got so caught up in my own personal mission I didn’t think that you were part of that mission too, stay,” he pleaded. His eyes showed remorse and his body hung forwards. I took a deep calming breath, we had a victory today and I didn’t want to stay angry.

“Fine I’ll stay but we need to get back to Tatooine some of those people might come back for us,” I breathed. When my hand reached Ben’s he wasted no time in scooping me up and walking me back to the bedroom to fix my leg.

"I don't ever want you to think that we aren't on the same 'mission' again. It's you and me Ben, forever. We do things together or not at all, do you understand me?" I huffed releasing the last bit of anger I had. Ben smirked and pressed a kissed on my lips.

"Together or not at all," he mumbled.


	17. Epilogue

Seven years later  


**Beykha**

****The wind swirled around me peacefully, the birds sang, the water hit the edges of Varykino and the sun had started to peek behind the tree hidden hills. The whole moment was nothing short of picturesque. A deep breath flowed through my nose with ease.

Ben's arms wrapped around my swollen stomach and he pressed a gentle kiss to my temple as he swayed with me. I had so many dreams of how my life would feel complete again but it was always stuck in the past with my parents, never looking forward like I should’ve been.

“How is he this morning?” Ben whispered, his hand circling the bump on my stomach. I smiled and relaxed against Ben’s weight.

“Quiet, thankfully, are the girls awake already?” I asked. Ben shook his head as he continued to sway with me in his arms.

“Not yet, I just wanted a moment with my wife first,” he answered, spinning me around so that I was facing his chest. Glancing up at him, I moved some strands of hair away from his face, he needed a haircut again. “I want to grow it out,” he argued.

“Fine, but I don’t want it to get in the way of your eyes,” I sighed. Ben smirked and held me tighter to his body.

“You’re so attractive when you’re bossy,” Ben growled playfully, putting his lips on my neck. I laughed.

“Is that so? Maybe I should boss you around more often then,” I responded lightly. Ben moved me towards a nearby pillar and moved his knee in between my legs while still peppering my neck with kisses. I would’ve let him continue but the squeal of our girls put us on pause. Janna and Leia ran out on the balcony hand in hand with their dark whipping around their face.

“Daddy, can we go swimming?” piped Janna. Ben still held me against the pillar while glancing down at Janna, her blue eyes beaming up at him. In one swift move Ben lurched towards Janna and scooped her up in his arms and swung her around leaving us with echoes of giggles.

“Of course we can but first I think we need to give mommy some kisses, what do you think?” Ben asked the girls, scooping Leia up with his other arm.

“I would love kisses from my girls,” I cheered, opening my arms to them. Ben brought them closer to me and in a small group we all shared some morning kisses.

Tatooine was our home but Varykino had been our escape. We were never bothered again by anyone. We buried Luke and Leia’s lightsabers deep by the homestead and each made our own. Ben had moved on to a purple saber and I had chosen green. We never used them except when the girls were asleep just in case we did have to use them again but we always had them within reach. One day when the girls were old enough they too would train and so would all our children ensuring that the Jedi never went extinct.

“What are you thinking about?” Ben asked that night in our bed. I shrugged in his arms and shook my head.

“Life, our story,” I smiled. “What are you thinking about?” I asked, craning my neck to look at him. Ben sighed and shrugged.

“What I always think about,” he concluded but I wasn’t satisfied with the answer.

“Which is...?” I pushed.

“You, my love for you. How thankful I am for you, how complete I feel when I’m with you.”

“I love you Ben Solo,” I sighed, relaxing into his body.

“I know.”

**Alright that's is it! Thank you so much for reading this story! Hope you enjoyed it and as always May the Force Be With you!**

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you're enjoying this journey as much as I am!
> 
> May the Force Be with You!


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